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« Puppet-Based Training | Main | Lucia Loves Alan »
Wednesday
Oct172007

Mulhausen Won't Eat Cinnamon Raisin Bagels

Mulhausen won't eat cinnamon raisin bagels, which is how I get to have sex with Blair during the day.

Mulhausen won't eat cinnamon raisin bagels because Pangbourn believes they are poisoned. While Mulhausen is not paranoid, he is gullible and insecure. And although Pangbourn is paranoid, he's not gullible or insecure. I like to eat cinnamon raisin bagels in front of both men, then clutch my stomach and walk away as if I've suddenly become sick. I then leave for the rest of the day so that both men believe I have died somewhere in the building.

While I pretend to be dead somewhere in the building, I go over to Blair's place and have sex with her.

Mulhausen will be happy that I'm dead, while Pangbourn will be scared he's next.

Kornfeld will eat cinnamon raisin bagels, which is how Blair gets to have sex with me during the day.

Kornfeld is allergic to raisins but does not know it. Only Blair and his assistant know this and selectively use it against him. When I call Blair and ask if she's interested in hump day cinnamon raisin bagels, she comes down to my floor and grabs a cinnamon raisin bagel for Kornfeld.

Kornfeld is not paranoid or gullible or insecure. But he is an idiot. Every time he eats a cinnamon raisin bagel, he gets sick (something he should notice but doesn't). And although Kornfeld is always sick, he never admits it. But this particular allergic reaction puts him in the bathroom for quite a while. So even though he doesn't admit it, there is no way around it. The duration of the sickness is long enough for Blair to take an early and prolonged lunch for the rest of the day.  

I will pretend to be dead until the morning. Then I'll show up healthy and happy, disappointing Mulhausen considerably. I'll say I had meetings offsite the day before, which is why Mulhausen couldn't find me. Pangbourn will still believe he's next.

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