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« Greasy Fingernails | Main | Pengilly's Haircut »
Monday
Oct292007

The CFO is an Alien

Wheels won't eat Chinese food, which is why she believes Osaka is an alien.

I adore Wheels because of her long sexy legs and her straight blond hair. I also adore Wheels because she's an Aquarius, which means she is perverse and unpredictable; unemotional and detached. But I adore Wheels the most because she is dumb as a door jam.

Wheels won't eat Chinese food because she believes they use dog meat instead of chicken. She believes every Chinese restaurant prefers to scour the city daily for stray dogs, catch them, skin them, fry them up in a pan and feed their meat to customers rather than work out a cost effective distribution deal with a poultry supply company.

And since she believes that, I figured she would also believe Osaka, our Chief Financial Officer, is an alien.

Although Osaka is Japanese, Wheels believes he is Chinese, which is why I thought I could tie the dog meat conspiracy to an over-arching alien conspiracy.  

All I did was plant the seed. I mentioned a couple of peculiarities; things I saw in all the various alien movies I've seen. Like Body Snatchers:

"It's like he doesn't have any emotions..."

And X Files:

"He's got something weird on the back of his neck. And why is he always talking to that cigarette smoking man?"

The cigarette smoking man is a man who works in the building across the street, another division of our Corporation.

And Men in Black:

"He looks different. Like his face doesn't really fit anymore."

Wheels, of course, ate that shit up and has come to her own conclusion (the one I wanted her to come to). She is now watching Osaka's every move and updating me on developments.

The relationship I have with Wheels is more than just sex. It's flat out entertainment.  

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