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« No Greasy Fingernails | Main | The CFO is an Alien »
Tuesday
Oct302007

Greasy Fingernails

Before lunch today, someone removed all but one lug nut on the rear tire of my car. Teri discovered this when she was checking my car for explosives.

So it appears the anonymous death threat was not an idle threat after all. Even though the written threat was bush league at best and obviously the work of a hack. It certainly narrows the list of suspects. Can't be anyone in management, since presentation skills are a critical competency at this company for managers... I doubt a husband or a boyfriend could get to my desk with all the security in this building... Could it really be someone in my User Pool? 

Blair is the mostly likely suspect. Remember how pissed off she got when she thought I had sex with my wife? Imagine if she found out about someone else at work... But Blair would want to stare into my eyes and witness the light dissipate into nothingness as my soul left my body. More importantly, she'd make sure she was the last thing I saw in this life, making it clear she was responsible for my demise. 

No, not Blair...

Wheels wouldn't give a shit. In fact, she already knows I'm fucking around with other people.

Brandi would never even attempt to take lug nuts off my tire. She gets a manicure every week. Although she could have called Triple A... 

Melanie never gets angry. She just cries. I don't think she could kill a fly. She's too earthy, too caring, too much of a humanitarian. She has stuffed animals on her bed.

Lucia... Lucia...

Lucia could have done it. If having sex with me is not cheating on her husband, she can justify anything...

Just to be safe, I'm checking all their hands today. For greasy fingernails... 

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