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« Macho Nachos | Main | Meetings »
Monday
Oct082007

The Urinal Test

Here's the situation: you walk into the Men's room at the office to take a piss. There are three urinals. A man is already pissing in the urinal at the far right, which leaves two available urinals to his left. Which of the two remaining urinals do you use?

The answer seems so obvious to me, and yet, every last male at this company fails the Urinal Test  and chooses the middle urinal so that he can stand right next to me while I'm taking a piss.

It's not that I'm insecure about anything down there, but if given the choice, you are supposed to pick the furthest urinal from the man currently pissing. It's the unspoken rule. How can so many men in one place consistently fail this test?

I have a theory. The urinal to the far left is shorter than the rest. Why we have a kid urinal in a professional office building, I don't know. But the point is, I think people see the shorter urinal, and even though there's someone pissing in the urinal to the right, the immediate thought is, I'm not a little kid, so I'll piss in the middle urinal.

Guys, that's no excuse. We point and click. It doesn't matter if the urinal is down on the floor, we'll hit the spot. Don't stand next to me when I'm pissing if there's an available urinal further away from me. I'm not homo phobic, I'm not insecure; I just want a moment to myself, if at all possible, when I'm taking a piss. If the urinal to the left is taken, by all means, take the middle spot. I'll deal with it. Otherwise, back the fuck away, asshole.

Thanks for listening.

 

Reader Comments (7)

hows abouts you use the kids one then..

October 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commentertoby

I'm an openly gay man, and I'm still creeped the hell out when people choose the urinal next to me, if there are other options around. I'm not insecure, either. Apparently, some people are just randomly comfortable with that sort of thing.

October 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJared

Good idea. However, it's right next to the stall, so with my luck, someone will pop in there and I'll be in a worse situation than before. Which may be another reason why people don't use that one...

October 12, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

Pussy. Deal with it. There are some things a man should never bow down to and a urinal is one of them.

March 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDouglass

Ah, a pee-pee toucher. Thanks for your input.

March 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

This rule also applies to cardio machines at the gym and bar stools.

September 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

M: Sort of, for men anyway. But we welcome hot women working out too close to us or sitting down next to us at a bar. Unlikely we'll get a hot woman to stand next to us at a urinal in the men's room. Although I've had a woman in the stall before...

September 10, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

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