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« Suicide Hotline | Main | Stew Lady »
Monday
Nov122007

Maggie the Drunk

Maggie is always drunk on the job because she's worried about getting fired.

Maggie is a very talented network engineer who posseses all the necessary skills to perform above and beyond expectations, which is why she believes she will be fired. All the other network engineers lack talent and do not posses the skills necessary to perform even the basic network tasks. Naturally, they have all been promoted to senior network engineers. 

Because Maggie is afraid she will be fired for surpassing expectations, she drinks heavily during the day to fall below expectations so that she can also be promoted.       

Today around noon, Maggie was found drunk and passed out under her desk. Maggie works for McKinney, but since McKinney is too busy working on his 3D pornography business plan to worry about his drunken employees, Tefft handled the situation. When Tefft woke Maggie up, the drunken network engineer screamed, What the fuck did you wake me up for? and then went right back to sleep.

Tefft let her sleep it off and made sure that nobody bothered her. I told Tefft I was surprised she had been so lenient. She got very irritated:

"You are such an insensative asshole," she said. "She was in a diabetic coma. It's lucky she came out of it. Now she needs rest. So please don't bother her."

At that moment, I realized that Maggie is not the only one who drinks at work. I definitely see a promotion in Maggie's future. 

Reader Comments (3)

Is being drunk at work, necessarily a bad thing?

November 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterChris

If I'm going to drink on the job, I like to limit myself to a healthy buzz. If I actually get drunk, I appear too happy, which would make people think I don't have enough work to do. And even though I don't have enough work to do, I like to appear upset so that people think I have too much work to do. Just my personal preference..

November 13, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

Wow. Now I /really/ want to get into networking. Of course, I work in a bar now, so being slightly less than sober at work is not only feasible, but encouraged, but still.

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTildesee

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