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« Clogged Pipes | Main | Mulhausen's Former Assistant »
Thursday
Nov152007

Bible Study at Work

Christian Bible study occurs every Thursday at noon in conference room 2812. Mulhausen hosts the hour and promotes it as a non-denominational, non-business sponsored event. Although everyone is welcome,Bible.jpg Jews, Mormons, and Catholics are not allowed. Nor are any of the pagan religions allowed, which include Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism. Members of the Christian Scientists and the Church of Christ can participate as long as they acknowledge the fact that they will burn in hell for eternity in the hereafter unless they accept the real Christ as their Lord and Savior.

And although this is a non-business sponsored event, if you do not participate, your performance rating will go down for not being a team player. If you are a member of one of the aforementioned religions that are not allowed to participate, your performance rating for team player will not go down, however, your overall performance rating will go down for being a member of one of the aforementioned religions.

Since I'm a good team player, I tried to participate, but they banned me after I claimed Jesus used The Secret to resurrect Lazarus. They also set up Net Meeting for remote staff to participate. I tried to join the Net Meeting with the name "Santa", but they immediately recognized this as an anagram for "Satan" and I was banned again.

Lucia attends the Bible study even though she is a member of the Church of Christ. And even though she acknowledges she will burn in hell for not believing in the real Christ, she does not acknowledge she will burn in hell for committing adultery with me. Since we do not have traditional intercourse, she does not believe she is committing traditional adultery. Which is why she believes she is innocent before God in that department.

I'm glad Lucia attends Bible study because it always makes her very horny. It makes her feel so pure and cleansed, she always has this overwhelming desire to get dirty afterwards. The mysteries of God are not mine to question. So of course, being a good team player and full of faith, I just go with it.

Reader Comments (2)

That's quite a situation! Can you imagine the lawsuits if this were really the case somewhere? You are exaggerating, right?! I didn't see that coming at the end, there ;)

November 16, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterVivienne

Only a slight exaggeration, believe it or not. I was invited to the bible study, but also told I would burn in hell.

Truth in the rest also, but not so blatantly conveyed.

November 16, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

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