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« Bible Study at Work | Main | Suicide Hotline »
Wednesday
Nov142007

Mulhausen's Former Assistant

Mulhausen can finally hire a new assistant, which means he no longer needs to use Dinton's assistant. He has been without an assistant of his own for over a year. His last assistant took a medical leave of absence for stress, which meant Mulhausen could not replace her. At first, he tried to use my assistant. Each month his former assistant submitted a doctor's note, and each month Mulhausen could not replace her. Each month he could not replace her, he used Teri to cover. The more Teri covered, the less I had coverage. The less I had coverage, the more I had to do myself.  

Teri did not like doing work for Mulhausen because he made her do menial things like pick up his dry cleaning or wipe his ass after taking a crap. I told her that the only way to get out of doing things for him was to make him think he was crazy. And if she couldn't make him think he was crazy, at least she could make him think she was crazy. Either way, she'd get the same desired result. Now, while it seemed like I was just looking out for her, this advice was of course offered for my own selfish reasons. First, I'd get Teri back full time and second, it would be entertaining to watch. For example:

"Did you pick up my dry cleaning?" Mulhausen asked.

"No. Of course not," Teri responded.

"Of course not?" Mulhausen said, surprised. "What does that mean? I asked you to pick up my dry cleaning."

Teri looked at him confused, as if he were speaking another language.

"No... You very specifically asked me not to pick up your dry cleaning," 

"Why would I say that?" He shouted.

"I don't know. But you said, DO NOT pick up my dry cleaning. You made me write it down."

Teri showed him the task written in her notebook. As Mulhausen peered down at the note, he looked like a kid trying to solve a math problem.

"Well, forget what you think I said," He grumbled. "I want you to pick up my dry cleaning."

"Yes, you said you would say that."

"What?"

"You said you would later say that, and you told me to ignore the request."

She again showed him the note she had scribbled down. She then turned and walked away. After about a week of this treatment, he never asked her to do anything for him again. That's when he started using Dinton's Assistant. Which worked out well for him, since Dinton had been missing for months and she really had nothing to do.

Mulhausen's former assistant finally officially quit, so now he can officially replace her. I'm sure Dinton's assistant will be happy about that because once Mulhausen hires someone, she can go back to doing nothing for Dinton.

 

Reader Comments (1)

You are very, very officially my hero.

~C

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTildesee

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