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« Potluck | Main | Clogged Pipes »
Monday
Nov192007

Megan the Suicide Hotline Volunteer

Blair has resumed talking to me now that she's resigned to the fact that I didn't commit suicide because I couldn't live with myself because she was angry with me for flirting with another woman.

Actually, she was resigned to this last week when I didn't actually take the plunge, even though I never intended to take the plunge because it was all just a misunderstanding. Either way, she realized I could live with myself even though she was angry with me for flirting with another woman. She knew about me flirting with another woman, thanks to the intern who is an idiot.

And even though Blair was resigned to all this last week, she continued to ignore me as punishment for not actually taking the plunge. If I had taken the plunge, she would have been sad that I was dead, but very pleased that I was that distraught over the fact that she was angry with me for flirting with another woman. 

Blair's twisted sense of relationship head games worked in my favor since it gave me time to be consoled by Brenda from Toys and also hook up with Megan the Suicide Hotline volunteer.

Megan was sweet and just as cute as her voice on the phone. She's just nineteen and very impressed that I pretend to be an executive at the large corporation at which I work. I told her I was thirty because a nineteen-year-old has no real sense of age past twenty-five. At that point, you're just some older guy. I didn't tell her I was married because I figured this would be a one-time thing. She figured the same thing since she had difficulty relating to an older guy with a real job (as a pretend executive). She also had a difficult time relating to someone who wasn't actually suicidal. So this was just physical for both of us.

She took me back to her dorm room where we got loud and sweaty while her roommate tried to sleep in the bunk bed above us. Afterwards I gave her a kiss on the cheek and thanked her for all the suicide advice, even though I was not suicidal. Then I apologized to her roommate who grunted and turned over.

The weekend was long and arduous. But it's Monday again and I'm happy again. I should ask Blair to lunch.  Now that things are back to normal, we need to plan the next backrub.   

Reader Comments (1)

Aaahhhhh... this article brings me back to college ;)

December 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

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