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The Swear Jar

Mulhausen has a "Swear Jar" in his office. If you swear, you owe him a dollar. I swear all the time, so I am forced to contribute. This is not a company policy, but like Bible Study, it seems one must accept what one's boss dictates is appropriate for the swear%20jar2.jpgworkplace no matter how ridiculous it is. Well, I'm here to tell you, there's always a way around it.

Mulhausen walked into my office today to discuss something that sounded like actual work. I ignored him completely. As he was leaving, I stopped him.

"You owe me a dollar," I said.

He turned back, surprised.

"For what?" He asked with a sour expression. "I didn't swear."

"Exactly," I said.

He continued to stare with his hands perched on his matronly hips and his prudish lips curled.  

"Exactly what?" he asked. 

"You did not swear," I said as I pointed to my Swear Jar. "If you come into my office and don't swear at least once, you owe me a dollar."

"That's ridiculous."

Yes, I agreed. But it was my office and my rule and if he did not pay, he could not force me to contribute to his Swear Jar either. I told him that I had already discussed this with both HR and Legal and that they agreed this was the only fair and equitable way of handling the situation. And since he refused to either swear in my office or pay up, he could not force me to not swear in his office or pay up either. That was the deal.

The next meeting he held in his office included Blair and Kornfeld, who both spoke like sailors but knew not to say anything "inappropriate" in Mulhausen's office. So I opened with:

"Do you mind if we make this fucking meeting as fucking quick as possible? I've got to get a fuck load of shit done for fucking Accounting." 

Both Blair and Kornfeld stared at me like I had just assassinated someone. They then turned to Mulhausen to watch what they knew would be his inevitable reaction as he sat on his throne behind the large Swear Jar on his desk. But it never happened. Mulhausen bit his lip, squirmed out a smile and said:

"Shouldn't take long at all."

Blair and Kornfeld both sat with mouths agape. And although neither could explain what just happened, admiration seeped from both of them.

"Fucking awesome," I said. 

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    There was a time when you couldn’t say “damn” on television. But long before that, people talked about cocks and fucking. They were low class people. They were common people. Vulgarities were not uttered in polite society. The high bo...

Reader Comments (39)

That post made me think of the new beer commercial with the swear jar. Funny stuff.

November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEric B

"Fucking awesome," I said.

Well played, Sir, well played indeed.

There's nothing quite as satisfying as putting some sanctimonious twat in their place.

December 4, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFallenKnight

Luv the scenario......I don't usually use foul language,but since I've worked with musicians and "wrenches"(mechanics),and been married to a cop,(past tense),I have my moments!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 4, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterpixie1980

I was forwarded the link to this page. Amusing story.

I almost didn't read it, though.

This page takes an incredibly looooong time to load, thanks to other servers it is (almost not) getting data from, notably technorati (who I AdBlocked, finally, because it took so long) and blogrush, for those sidebar items. The actual content that is here on this page should have taken no time whatsoever to load.

Thought you might want to know that those linkys are slowing down your page, and likely keeping visitors away.

December 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKR

I'm pretty sure he can stop you from swearing in his office (with or without the swear jar) and obscenities are usually not HR friendly.

December 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterS

True, obscenities are not HR friendly, but when the CIO and the CEO cuss like sailors, a guy like Mulhausen doesn't have a chance. HR protects those at the top... And he's not going to sue the company. He's a very insecure, weak little man...

December 5, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

Thanks for the tip on the page loading. It was fine until the last couple of days when my traffic went crazy. I just added bandwidth to see if that was the main cause. It was pretty low. If I need to yank the other stuff though, I will...

December 5, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X


December 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDan

How childish are you?

December 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMartin


December 5, 2007 | Unregistered Commentergfym

Rest assured, I'm much more childish than this alludes.

You're one of the guys with a swear jar, aren't you?

December 5, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

Having been on both sides of the desk, My advice to you would be to keep your resume up to date.
In most settings a little 'color" is OK, but if you abuse the rules and the boss (no matter how big a Jerk) the only advancement you'll see is towards the door.

December 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBen There

Fuck all the god-damn fucking haters... this is funny shit!

December 5, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBen

Ben There, I agree. And alliances at the top only protect you until they leave the company. Then you're toast. I've seen it happen many times.

For my own good, I will be politically sensitive in the future. As such, retaliation against my boss will be much more subversive.

December 5, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

Swearing in the office doesn't paint a particularly professional picture of your working environment. Like it or not people will judges on appearances rather than results and behaving like that routinely could well cost you business. I wouldn't go so far as to have a swear-jar, that's a bit insulting to his work collegues too, but I'd expect people around me in an office to behave in a polite way anyway.

Still - nice idea ;-)

December 6, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAlan

"Exactly what?" - LoL :P:

December 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterStumble Exchange

I protest. not against this article, but the furrinization of2 the american language. preachers can get behind the pulpit and use the latin terms, "religious" people can use adopted terms, but if i use the american/english terms the "rightious" call me names. religious persecution!!!

December 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkarl roenfanz ( rosey )

Guys from my high school used to swear at work all of the time, it was no big deal.

December 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFrat Stud

I work with a bloke who wouldn't say "Shit" for a shilling...until he's pissed. He looks at you like you just let a loud fart rip if you swear when he's sober.
So I know where your coming from...just be careful 'political correctness' has gone ape shit.

December 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLeroy

Profanity spices up a conversation and sometimes f*ck is the only word that describes a person,emotion or situation. What's annoying is the use of profanity is lieu of imagination or a limited vocabulary..there's a time and a place for everything.

Anyway this shit if fuckin' hilarious!!!

December 10, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMaxine

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