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« Brenda from Toys | Main | Frosty Frappuccino »
Wednesday
Nov072007

Suicidal

Everyone believes I'm suicidal. Mainly because I'm on the roof of our 34 floor building, standing on the edge looking down. I'm typing this with my BlackBerry, which probably looks to those below like I'm sending a final good-bye cruel world note to everyone.

There's a fire truck and a couple of police cars below. And lots of people.

I went into the stairwell to run up one floor, but forgot the doors lock once inside the stairwell. How stupid is that? I was on the 31st floor and didn't feel like walking all the way down to the 1st floor to get out. but nobody responded to my knocks. So I went up to the roof, but again, the door locked behind me.

The view from above reminds me of a map in Half-Life which we play in the Test Lab. But in the game you can jump off the building and only lose 10% health. I doubt the ratio is the same in real life.

I guess someone saw me looking over the edge and thought the worst, called the cops or something. They think I'm a jumper.

I couldn't get a hold of anyone on the phone. Nobody does anything in this company, so apparently everyone is too busy doing nothing to answer a phone. I also tried emailing and texting, but even glancing at the phone is an impossibility as well with so little to do. And now it will be impossible to get a hold of anyone because nobody wants to miss me jump.  

I imagine there are a lot of people who would like to see me jump. The person trying to kill me would probably feel ripped off, but would still have the satisfaction of accomplishment by indirectly managing me out; Blair would be outwardly indifferent, but inwardly bi-polar--partly filled with glee and partly filled with sadness; the intern would call all his college buddies and claim he drove me to jump; Mulhausen would just throw a party.

I kind of hate to disappoint everyone.

On the upside, there will be those women in the company who will somehow be turned on by the fact that I was going to jump. Even though I wasn't. And even though I'll tell them I wasn't going to jump, they won't believe me. Which is fine by me, as long as suicide turns them on.

While standing on the edge of a 34 floor building looking down, it's hard to convey to those below that I do indeed love my life.

-----------------------------------------

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld

References (1)

References allow you to track sources for this article, as well as articles that were written in response to this article.
  • Response
    Response: bi polar
    bi polar, bi polar disorders

Reader Comments (50)

Just stumbled upon this page, great read. Thanks.

December 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commentern/a

I had to create a fire drill on paper & stumbled onto this story....
laughing out loud how true & ironically funny it is.

December 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterlaura

Great Post!

Stumbled It =D

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJason

Very nice, im just kind curious as to how you managed to get down.

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLevi

haha! Great post!
i gotta add this to my "to do before i die list"

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterseth

i stumbled upon it also and like the others i found myself compelled to read it and laugh out loud throughout- slightly morbid maybe?!

Nice one :)

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterjen

how did u get down?


..............or is dis fictional?

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterchriscross93

stumble MOTHERF.UCKER!!!!!!!!!!!1

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRichard Thompson

Also stumbled upon this and found it to be a great read.

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterlol

Nice read... *stumbled and I liked*

Nicly done!

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFireFrenzy

still...hate to disappoint, right?

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterboomer101

Jump, pussy!

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered Commenternpfiii

Stumbled upon this one and it was a good read. Even though this is an ironic read, most of what you write is true. Like the part about women getting turned on by suicide.

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMe

stumbled it... glad you didn't go through with it, if it wasn't fictional.

you're a good writer, which impresses me more than attempted suicide does.

peace.

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterStandardPrints

I was also fortunate to stumble upon your page. I must say,it was a great story!

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

very nice stumble thank you

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterme

Stumble stumble. Stumble stumble stumble stumble! Stumble stumble stumb? Stumble stumb stumble stumb stumb? Stumble, stumble stumble stumble stumble stumble stumb stumble!

Stumble!

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterStumble

Hehe. Nice story. As repeated by just about everyone else on this page, I stumbled upon it.

December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBlank

just stumbled onto this and i thought it was great

December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDrewsky

This was fantastic. It really makes you sit back and contemplate which type of person you really are...would you jump?

December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterWryBeauty

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