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« Stew Lady | Main | Suicidal »

Brenda from Toys

Brenda from Toys stopped by today to offer depression counseling because of my unintentional attempted suicide yesterday.

While this seems very charitable on the surface, especially since she has no formal training in depression counseling, I suspect Brenda is just the first to emerge who is actually turned on by my unintentional attempted suicide.

She's a cute, Peter Pan looking woman; short blond hair with light blue tinted lenses in her glasses. I always thought she was a lesbian (not the Greek kind). But maybe not.

"What do you think drove you to the edge?" She asks. "No pun intended."

"I had no intention of committing suicide," I say.

"Then you did it for the attention?" She asks. "Why do you think you're so starved for attention?"

Ah, the window of opportunity...

"Well... My wife doesn't..." I say and then leave her hanging just long enough until I blurt out: "...I can't talk about it."

"It will help if you do," she says with a great deal of concern on her face.

"I mean, I can't talk about it here, at the office. Maybe at the Irish Pub down the street. With a dirty Goose martini... And a couple of shots."

"Is alcohol really going to get you anywhere?"

"It usually gets me as far as I'd like to go. What do you say?"

So we're getting together for a drink and a deeply personal conversation tonight at 7:00. Being suicidal definitely has its benefits...

It's a good think Blair is still mad at me. Her husband's out on Thursday nights and I was supposed to go over to her place and give her a back rub.

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