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« Office Holiday Party DOs and DON'Ts | Main | Everybody Loves Sushi »

Cleavage in the Workplace

Blair and Athena the Lesbian were both in a bad mood today. Blair, because she was stood up for Sushi the night before by my imaginary boss and Athena the Lesbian, because someone was offended by hercleavage.jpg cleavage and complained to HR.

Blair would not tell me why she was in such a bad mood, although of course, I already knew. She looked absolutely stunning. More makeup than usual and more cleavage. This, I suppose, was done to make it very clear to Smithee that he had missed out on some good shit because of his rude cancellation.

But when Blair stopped by Smithee's office, she did not find the nonexistent man, so she yelled at Teri because her new imaginary boss wasn't available. She left more pissed off than when she came. Last night must have been spectacular. After all, she waited an entire hour for a man who doesn't exist to show up for dinner. When she finally got his text message cancelling, she probably threw her phone at the waiter, screamed obscenities and stormed out of the place.

And I'm in the clear.

Athena the Lesbian was not showing more cleavage today than usual, but someone complained and told HR anyway. She has a very nice pair of natural double D's and you know that no man in this company or any company would complain about seeing their cleavage. Except possibly one of the guys who attends Bible Study on Thursdays at noon. But I'm willing to bet they'd rather let it go and repent later for the thoughts her cleavage inspired than be the cause of covering it up.

So that means a woman made the complaint. A woman who perhaps is not so well endowed.  Just a theory.

Athena told me that she had to go talk to Triplet about the situation.

"I don't understand what I've done wrong," she said to Triplet.

"You're attire is inappropriate," Triplet responded.


"You're showing too much cleavage."

"How much is too much. I see your cleavage." 

This took Triplet by surprise. I doubt anyone has ever noticed her cleavage. If she were just wearing a bra, nobody would notice.

"It's really not about the amount of cleavage. It's whether or not someone is offended by whatever amount of cleavage your showing." 

"Oh, I get it. It's because I'm a Lesbian, isn't it?"

"You're a lesbian?" Triplet asked, surprised.

"That's right. This is discrimination. And I'd like to make a complaint against the person who complained about me."

"Unfortunately, you can't complain about someone who complained about you. Even if you are citing discrimination."

"Why not?"

"It looks like retaliation. We don't allow counter complaints. It's company policy."  

So Athena the Lesbian buttoned up. And has been pissed off ever since.

I've always thought we should have more cleavage in the workplace. But that's just me. I'm not running the company. At least not yet.

Reader Comments (4)

Mr. X, You've hit a subject that in dear and near to my heart. I'm a slender proud owner of natural FF's and I've ran into this problem before. I can’t help it …I even make a turtle neck look risqué́. I’m very serious about my job but get really pissed off when I’m discriminated against!!! The percentage of skin I show is just as much as a flat chested girl I can’t control it if my cleavage looks better. Athena should stand up for herself… I’m pushing the limits until HR has a talk with me…that’ll be fun ;)

December 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelania

It's not just the well endowed that get discriminated against in the workplace. I've got an "athletic build" or as some may say, lil almond joys. Staying up to date with fashion trends and tattoos are "career limiting," so they say. I was once overlooked for a promotion because they said I had a "party girl" image. I'm hot and can't help it! Thanks for the message sent here.

December 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAlmond Joy

Why are people such haters. What's wrong with a confident, intelligent woman looking sexy in the office place. It's not our problem that horny men and prude women hate on us. If they don't like it, they don't have to look. I don't complain about women with muffin tops or men that wear their pants so tight that you could see every detail of their package. You to have to look good in your clothes and if cleavage needs to be be it !!!

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commentertits rock

Excellent points. I have to agree with all of you.

December 13, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

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