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« Office Holiday Party Preparation | Main | Cleavage in the Workplace »
Wednesday
Dec122007

Office Holiday Party DOs and DON'Ts

Party.jpg

The annual office holiday party is tomorrow night so HR published their annual office holiday party DOs and DON'Ts memo. This is the memo which specifies exactly what appropriate behavior is for a party that has been meticulously planned and orchestrated to enable inappropriate behavior.

"While this is certainly a time of celebration, excessive drinking is inappropriate..." 

While alcohol will be served, each person will only receive two drink tickets in order to keep people from the excessive drinking that occurs with an open bar. This also saves the company a considerable amount of money and minimizes the liability associated with any alcohol related car accidents after the party. 

However, senior executives will be given black wrist bands which allows them to get unlimited free drinks. So apparently it is appropriate for senior executives to drink excessively and anyone else who kisses their ass that evening.

"While there is no policy against dating coworkers, public displays of affection at the party and  'flings' resulting in controversy are not appropriate..."

The party this year is at the Red Lion Hotel. And while "flings" resulting in controversy are inappropriate, the company provides alcohol, dancing, and discount rates on hotel rooms, but DOES NOT allow spouses. That's because this is a celebration with employees and a time to get know other people in the company by drinking and dancing with them and passing out together in a hotel room later, but not creating any controversy. 

"Dress professionally."

I've never seen women at this company dress more slutty than at the office holiday party. That includes Halloween. What "profession" are they thinking? Regardless, no one has ever been kicked out of the office holiday party for inappropriate attire. Thank God.

"A disc jockey will be provided for music and dancing, but please keep it tasteful."

By tasteful, do you mean having women with short skirts and thong panties grind on your leg like Scooby Doo in heat? Because I believe that's how most people interpret this statement. Simulated sex is a style of dance, please acknowledge and accept the art of it, not the inappropriateness of it.    

"No contractors."

We are having this holiday party to celebrate our many accomplishments throughout the year, which could not have been achieved without the dedication and hard work of our skilled and talented contractors, who are neither invited to nor welcome at the party. But thanks and happy Diwali or whatever.

Well, that about covers it. I'm sure your company has similar rules. If I missed anything, please feel free to add to the list. Great shit always happens at the office holiday party; I'm sure this year's party will continue the tradition. I'll certainly give you all the details on Friday.

Ho ho ho! 

Reader Comments (3)

AMEN to that! Why the hell do we bust our asses all year to be the ultimate "do-gooders" for the company and come year-end...nothing! The LEAST they can do is invite us to the company Holiday Party. We don't get paid holidays, no medical or retirement benefits, no merit increases, and now they are denying us our ALCOHOL???? C'mon people!!!!

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterConsultants Rock

Holiday Parties are the perfect opportunity to bump and grind with senior management and the entire IT team. The best part is having done all that and leaving them high and dry and thinking of what a great lay I could've been for the rest of the next fiscal year!!!! Awesome!

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterOffice Temptress

Holiday parties rock !! There's nothing better than watching your senior management get trashed and behaving inappropriately. Not to mention watching all the skanky chicks acting even skankier and watching all the losers that think they actually have a chance at scoring with them. Its always a great conversation starter the next day. I hope you don't hook up with Blair during your party, she is so overrated !!

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBlair Hater

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