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« Office Holiday Party Aftermath | Main | Office Holiday Party DOs and DON'Ts »

Office Holiday Party Preparation

The office holiday party begins in just a couple of hours and Gladstone has printed all the counterfeit drink tickets we'll need. Tefft is already over at the hotel with her staff putting up the Apocalypse decorations. Celebrating Christ's first coming vs. his second coming--what's the difference? A little vengeance and destruction, that's all. And forget the rest of the religions this year; we like to keep a narrow focus at this company. It's like when your eyes are bigger than your stomach and you order more than you can eat. There's only so much religion a company can swallow and its hard enough keeping Christianity down. So Tefft has stuck to the basics and will only acknowledge Christ's birth with her decorations this holiday season, and of course his second coming and the destruction of the Earth.

Most people are getting ready for the party at this point.

The women are slutting it up: sliding into short skirts with high slits the run up the thigh or even better, straight up the ass; stuffing their bras to maximum density; plastering on porn star makeup, you know, with blue eye shadow and red lipstick; slipping on thong panties or g-strings or boyshorts or, yes, even a few granny panties; they're working on their hair, putting on lotion, spaying on perfume, stepping into 4 inch heels. Then they check themselves from head to toe three, four, twenty or so times.

The men pop a Tic Tac and are ready to go.  

I, however, have a dilemma. There are several women that will be there tonight who think they'll be spending the night with me. I don't think even Smithee can get me out of this one. Obviously, I can only spend the night with one of the women. And obviously, if you've been following this blog, that woman needs to be Blair. But that doesn't mean I can't still hook up with other women before the end of the night. It'll just take some juggling finesse.  

I can't get a hotel room; that needs to be handled by each of the women. I'll say I have to go home early in the morning and I can't have a room charge show up on my credit card. Some shit like that.

I don't have to worry about Brandi or Melanie until after the holidays when they believe my odds of committing suicide are low. Brenda from Toys and Shannon the Licensing Coordinator will get lost in the shuffle, so I won't have to worry about them either. Which leaves Blair, Wheels, Lucia, and Athena the Lesbian.

Blair will pretend she doesn't even know me until we get together in her hotel room at the end of the night. Last thing she wants is to be one of the office holiday party rumors the next day. That makes the Blair situation easy in one sense, but she will be watching me all night long. That makes everything else difficult.

I'm hoping Lucia will have to go home to her husband, so she won't be able to get a room either. Which means we'll have to fool around in the bushes outside at some point.

Wheels knows I'm a dog, so she'll just schedule herself in if I tell her I can't spend the night with her.

I'll tell Athena the Lesbian that I'm a designated driver for a group of people and I'll have Gladstone call me at a certain time to get me out of her room.

Pop a Tic Tac along with a couple of Viagra and I'm good to go.

Okay, not as bad as I thought. It's pretty straight forward... What could go wrong? 

Reader Comments (1)

Any way you can pull strings to sneak me in? =) Shit, you got away with creating a fake boss who has an actual admin!

December 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterConsultants Rock

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