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« Kornfeld's Pink Eye | Main | The Blair Treatment »
Friday
Dec212007

How to Maintain a Dysfunctional Relationship

"I love you because you make me happy," I said.

She again stared at me with the look of stone cold granite.  

There are those of you who have asked if I really love Blair or not. I actually do love Blair, but not because she makes me happy. In fact, I stay in the relationship with Blair because she doesn't make me happy. If she did make me happy, I might get the bright idea to leave my wife to start a whole new relationship that would land me in the exact same situation I'm in now a couple years down the road. 

I don't know exactly why I love Blair, which makes it very hard to answer her question truthfully or otherwise. She, unlike anyone else in the User Pool, fills a mystery void left by the fucked up relationship I have with my wife. There's probably a better way to fill that void, but until I know exactly what the void is, I can't really make adjustments.

So I put up with her shit, but not because she's beautiful or because she's the most sexual person I've ever known so far in my meager little life; I put up with her shit because I need her. And she needs me. I know this because she also puts up with my shit--and she doesn't put up with anyone's shit.  

I can''t tell Blair any of this. So I went with Man Hater's suggestion from her comment on yesterday's post.

"How do I make you happy?" Blair asked.

Although the answer is always wrong, the initial answer may need to be broken down and stripped apart to reveal the actual fallacy. But I anticipated this, so I memorized the other reasons Man Hater provided. 

"Because you're sweet, kind, caring, loving, and you make me smile," I said. "I think you're intelligent, successful, and beautiful."

Blair looked at me confused. Her confused look made me feel confused. What did I just say?  

"That's how I make you happy or that's why you love me?" she asked.

"Uhhhh..." I mumbled. "Can you repeat the question?" 

Okay, so I fucked it up. 

"Why don't you just say I complete you," she said, irritated.

That was next. 

"I gave you an honest answer. You just don't like my answer."

"I haven't heard your answer," she said. "You told me what you think I want to hear. You're too chicken shit to tell me what you really think."

"It doesn't matter. You're not going to like anything I say, so why ask the goddamn question?"

"Why should I even have to ask the question? You should just tell me."

"Why should I have to ask you to suck my dick? You should just do it."  

Well, that pretty much finished that. Blair wouldn't be increasing the training budget today, nor would she be sucking my dick anytime soon. But if I don't get an increase for the training budget, I don't get out of Outlook training. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'd have to go around Blair and talk directly to her boss Kornfeld.

Wait until she finds out about that...

Reader Comments (6)

You, Jason X, are a very complex creature. I do appreciate your wit in all of this. Good luck with that!

December 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEx

And to my point from yesterday's post. You made full circle and in fact, may have made it worse. Face it, Men will never get it right, and women will never accept the fact that men have dicks for 3 reasons:

To piss, to think, and to have sex with.

Once I accepted this known fact, it has made my relationships better than the last...1,000 times over!!!!

December 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRawDeal

And I bet you know what my dick is thinking right now...

December 21, 2007 | Registered CommenterJason X

Of course I do...as long as I have a face with a hole in it...

December 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRawDeal

I don't know, I think she would have liked to hear what you were thinking in your head rather that what you actually said.
From everything you've said about her, she doesn't seem like the person who wants (or needs) to hear that she's successful and beautiful. That's all bullshit, save that for the insecure girls.
Come on man, you've made up you're own boss and maintained the charade long enough to have everyone who works around you completely fooled. Get a little creative with this.
It's very typical of you to retract from the conversation and use sex to make her angry.
This is interesting.
You interest me.

December 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBlythe

Let's back it up a moment here. Blair is a fucker, pure and simple. So is Jason X. Blair likes Jason because he is a fucker. Jason likes Blair because she is a fucker. When Blair asks her question, it's because she wants him to fuck with her more, so that she can fuck with him more.

Jason, next time she asks whether or not you love her, tell her no. IF you must tell her yes, and she asks why, tell her it's because of some random aspect of her that she's never even thought of before, like the way she drinks coffee, or the specific way her shoes are scuffed, or whatever; it doesn't matter. Surprise her. Fuckers love being surprised. Say it sarcastically, and say it with a smile. Fun will commence, guaranteed.

Ooh, or you could go back to ignoring her completely. Either one is going to drive her shit-balls insane; which you love.

December 21, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterVinny

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