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« Lucia | Main | Nap Time »
Wednesday
Sep052007

Plotkin

I had a meeting with Plotkin today. He believes he's coming down with Hodgkin's disease. Kristy is Plotkin's secretary. Plotkin is Kornfeld's counterpart in Accounting. He's short, round, and flaking like a bran muffin. Unlike Kornfeld, Plotkin is a very healthy person. And while Kornfeld is a very sickly man who never admits he has anything but always does, Plotkin is a very healthy man who always thinks he has something but never does.

Plotkin has a perpetual, though inconsistent and strained, hacking cough. He makes his eyes water by rubbing them continually, although they don't itch. He sniffs, sneezes, and belches, but just can't produce sickness. He finds out who is coming down with something, stands near them, talks close to them, maybe even takes them to lunch and accidentally drinks from their glass of water. Whatever anyone else has, he does whatever it takes to contract it so that he'll have it too. He hates his job and wishes something would keep him from it, but nothing ever does.

Unfortunately for Plotkin, he is such a healthy person that he is always unable to contract whatever ailment he seeks. But although he doesn't contract the ailment, he pretends that he did. It doesn't really matter, since nobody believes him. However, Plotkin never pretends to have what Kornfeld pretends not to have because it's too difficult to determine what he does have.

I told Plotkin that night sweats alone does not constitute Hodgkin's disease. He said he'll research it some more.

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