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« Thursday Mourning | Main | The Phantom Pisser »
Wednesday
Jan162008

How to Kill Your Boss and Still Keep Your Job

Smithee did not show up for work today, which made Teri very concerned and Triplet very suspicious.ShiningMurder2.jpg Triplet had set up a meeting with Smithee today to discuss all the complaints that had recently been filed against him. His absence made her think he might be guilty of all the allegations. Teri, on the other hand, was just worried something had happened to him. Like an accident. Which gave me an idea...

"Or worse," I said, as if foul play and conspiracy were written all over the wall. 

"Worse?" Teri said with a look of shock.

"Worse?" Triplet said with cynicism. 

"Well," I said, leading them to the sick little place in my mind. "He had a lot of enemies..."

Teri gasped, Triplet raised an eyebrow. I then pulled a piece of paper out of my desk drawer and told them I had found it on Smithee's desk this morning.

It was an anonymous death threat, which had a remarkable resemblance to the anonymous death threat I had received a few weeks back; the one Triplet had completely ignored and apparently forgotten about already. It read:

"I'm going to kill you."

Teri gasped again and Triplet raised another eyebrow. In an attempt to exonerate the executive staff, she pointed out that it was hand written on a piece of notebook paper instead of printed on a PowerPoint slide using the company standard font. I agreed in part, however, I explained that it might just be a tactic to throw people off the real killer's trail. No one is beyond suspicion...

"Now wait a minute," Triplet said. "We don't even know that Smithee's been killed."

"Shouldn't we assume the worse?" I said. "I mean, look at the evidence!"

I shoved the anonymous death threat in her face. 

"We should call the police," Teri said.

"No," I snapped. "This is our dirty laundry. We need to clean it up ourselves."

You could see the wheels turning in Triplet's head. She was probably considering the backlash this would cause the company if it got out. The scandal, the embarrassment, the negative impact to the stock.

"I'll tell you one thing..." I continued. "Find the Phantom Pisser and I bet we've found our killer..."

Teri gasped again and Triplet ran off to make some phone calls, I'm sure.

This should provide some good entertainment over the next couple of days. I mean, why shouldn't Smithee go out with a bang?

Reader Comments (9)

Well played, but I've lost track, was it you who pissed on the door?

January 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDan

That will be determined in the investigation my friend...

January 16, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

It's all about maintaining the company profile and reputation to protect it's shareholders..even in cases like MURDER!!!! Corp-Am is sooooo evil. LOL!

January 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

I've wondered now and before.. where is Fessler for all this?

January 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

Life in that office seems to draw parallels with Lord of the Rings. I mean hey, the politics are epic in scope, and any little seemingly "minor" detail comes back at a crucial moment to wrap up some great "evil". I put the minor in quotations because although I'm sure the death threat isn't exactly minor to you, it didn't really effect the grand situation as a whole until now.

...hmm, who's your Sauron?

January 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTildesee

Fishy5: Typically, Fessler does not like to get involved with those below his level; he really only likes to mingle with the CFO and CEO. In fact, he pretty much hates all his direct reports (see "Weekly Staff). He does like me though. Even so, I really only see him maybe once a month. If a problem escalates to the CEO, he definitely gets involved. If I coax him, I can get him involved. But that's only when absolutely necessary.

January 17, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

Tildesee: Mulhausen is my Sauron. He's more than just an idiot. While others step in and out of the role, he is consistently my nemesis. I'm sure his evil influence will expose itself more and more as time goes on...

January 17, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

i killed me boss with a ruler and said he fell on it

i had fun lol

May 14, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermichael

lol... I think...

May 14, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

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