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« Friday Mourning | Main | How to Kill Your Boss and Still Keep Your Job »
Thursday
Jan172008

Thursday Mourning

Now that the rumor was out that my boss Smithee had possibly been murdered by a coworker, lifeRIP.jpg around the office has been much more pleasant for me.

People have been stopping by all day offering their condolences, since I was closest to him. Pangbourn stopped by and pretended to be Smithee's best friend. He wept on my desk, making sure the door to my office was wide open for all to see his anguish over the loss.

Osmund used similar tactics, but strangely, for a woman, she couldn't fake sadness. She cried, but their were no tears. She seemed to be trying real hard too.

Both executives were concerned about being considered suspects in the death of Smithee. They both certainly had good odds when it came to the wagering which is now running rampant in the building for both the Phantom Pisser and Smithee's murderer. 

I'm managing the bets like a bookie. I'm not sure how to produce the guilty party yet, but regardless of the outcome, I'll take a nice percentage.

Mulhausen stopped by and seemed very nervous, as if he were guilty. If I didn't know better, I'd say he did it for sure based on his appearance alone. He kept rubbing his sweaty palms together as his eyes darted around the room. His eye was twitching; something I had only seen once before when his wife stopped by the office. The whole time she was here, his eye kept flickering like a bad 8mm film. She's only been here once. That was enough. 

He kept muttering: "This is very bad... This is very bad..." 

Fessler, Skeffington, and Triplet have been behind closed doors all day. I guess by now they realize all Smithee's information was fake and that even the name was an alias. Which makes this whole thing that much more mysterious and intriguing. It doesn't even matter that Fessler and Mulhausen may realize that neither of them hired the guy; there's a possible homicide on their hands now.

It's interesting how the rumor outweighs logic at this point. There's no reason to believe Smithee is dead other than an anonymous death threat, and of course, my subversive marketing campaign. But innuendo carries a lot of weight at a big corporation, and worse, the possibility of shareholder condemnation. So people tend to be proactive with risk factors these days, even if probability is minimal. But no Police. Because with Police, come the press. I guess they really are going to clean up their own dirty laundry.

Blair stopped by and said he got what he deserved. She is one cold-hearted bitch. God, I love her. 

Plotkin wheeled himself over and said that Kristy was also missing. She didn't call in sick or send him an email or anything. I told him that she's probably not dead. Maybe just heartbroken and in mourning. 

I had lunch with Gladstone who was confused.

"So did someone really kill Nick Zima?" Gladstone asked.

"No," I said. "Nobody is actually dead. Alan Smithee doesn't exist, so only his character is dead. And since Nick Zima played the character that is now dead, he's simply off the show." 

Gladstone nodded, now enlightened. I guess he thought Nick Zima was actually killed by an executive in the company. But once he understood, he was very impressed with the way I had tied up loose ends.

"Very tidy, Mr. X," Gladstone said. "Very tidy..."

It's always best to clean your own dirty laundry...

Reader Comments (3)

Very tidy Mr.X..very tidy indeed!

January 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZaeem

I just hope you will talk to McKinney to find another actor, or another place, to film that 3D movie.

Just imagine Zima coming out of or into room 3402 after being supposedly killed!

January 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

You should get promo'd for this Jason!

January 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

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