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The Special Project

While I mentor Smithee in office politics to insure a successful tenure in the role, I continue to plot the closure of the current theatrical run. Who kills shows on Broadway? The critics. So I decided to introduce him to one of the harshest critics in the company, who also happens to be the most criticized in the company because of his own incompetence and inability to deliver. But the beauty of criticism is that you don't have to be competent at anything yourself to criticize others.

I asked Fernandez if he could take Smithee under his wing. Fernandez had taken others under his wing in the past and very successfully destroyed their careers. When you ask an executive for help or advice, they believe it's because you are not nearly as wise as they are and their ego cannot resist accepting the request so that they may further prove how superior they are to you and everyone else. As Vice President of Special Projects, Fernandez had absolutely nothing to do, so it was reasonable for him to make Smithee his next special project so that he would have something to do. 

I then made sure that Teri booked Smithee's meeting with Fernandez right in front of his meeting with Mulhausen.

"But is a half hour with Fernandez enough time?" she asked. "He talks forever."

Exactly. So when the meeting with Fernandez went into overtime, Mulhausen came looking for Smithee and saw Fernandez in his office. He then ran over to my office.

"What's Fernandez doing in Smithee's office?" he barked.

"Well," I began. "You and I are not supposed to be speaking to one another because of the new protocol Smithee implemented. But..."

"Screw protocol for today," he said. "But what?"

"But I think Fernandez is taking Smithee under his wing."

This did not sit well with Mulhausen. I could hear his lunch gurgling in his stomach.

"If anyone should be taking him under a wing, it should be me. This is my department and my consultant. Why would Fernandez try to take him under his wing?"

"You know how he's always trying to get off special projects..."

Suddenly it clicked with Mulhausen. I was worried I'd have to spell it out on my white board for him and draw a little diagram with squares and circles. But he was sharper than usual today.

"You think he's positioning for my job?"

I shrugged my shoulders as if I wanted Mulhausen to come to his own conclusions.  

"Not a chance," Mulhausen said. "I'll straighten it out with Smithee."

"I wouldn't," I said. "I'd wait and watch first."


"Was he bitten or not? Don't play your hand too early. Wait and see if Smithee turns into a blood sucking vampire. Then you'll know whether to bring a stake or not."

"Good point..."

It was strange. I almost felt like Mulhausen and I were on the same side for once. Granted, I was lying to him and completely manipulating the situation, but it still felt eerily close to a unified cause. 

I'll be having sex with Blair tonight, assuming she doesn't get pissed off at me in the next hour and a half. Let's see if I can have a unified cause with her (through lies and manipulation as well)...

Reader Comments (2)

Brilliant! I never doubted you!

January 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Well played!

January 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDan

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