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« Snip Snip | Main | How to Join PETA and Still Eat Meat »
Thursday
Oct022008

Fernandez is a Playa

Fernandez is a skinny feeble little man who seems to be shrinking by the day. And yet, he always seems to be having an affair with some pretty young woman in the company.

His game is simple: He becomes the wise father figure to a young, wide-eyed, naive employee of his whom he mentors until the admiration of his wisdom and position in the company turns to sexual attraction. 

Not bad for a stick man.

This time around it's Kimmy, a business analyst who does not report directly to him, but is a part of his department.

Kimmy is a sweet, friendly Asian girl who will ultimately become bitter and angry, tainted by her intimate association with Fernandez; she will also become a useless and incompetent I.T. manager because of the professional guidance she got  from Fernandez when she was so young and impressionable.    

Fernandez once tried to work it with Blair. Now that was entertaining.

First off, for his game to work, the woman must be sweet. This immediately eliminates Blair as a candidate.

Next, the woman must be naive. Not Blair.

And finally, the woman must have daddy issues. Now, granted, Blair has daddy issues. Which is why it works with me. It's all about trying to understand dad's immoral behavior. And the only way to understand it is to become the woman good-old dad fucked around with. She still hasn't figured it out, so the research continues.

Bottom line is, Blair does not meet all the requirements, and so Fernandez' attempt to seduce her failed miserably. In fact, a bowl of spaghetti was thrown into his lap.

His first and only real attempt to seduce her occurred while they were having lunch. He mentioned something about getting together after work to get to know each other on a more personal level. At first, she laughed. She thought he was kidding. But when she saw the serious look on his face, her bemusement turned to fury. 

Blair does not like men who hit on her because she is a married woman and that would mean the man is scum. Which is why she hooked up with me. I did not hit on her, nor did I even pay attention to her. She hit on me, specifically because I did not hit on her. Since I did not hit on a married woman, I must not be scum. The fact that I fuck a married woman apparently doesn't play into the equation.

But when Fernandez hit on her, she went ballistic. It's not only that he hit on her, but also because he does not even qualify to do so from an appearance perspective. She should only be rejecting very attractive men who hit on her. Anyone else need not even apply. Which is why his spaghetti ended up in his lap.

Regardless, Fernandez is still somehow able to work it with other women in the company.

Fernandez is a playa. 

My world is up-side-down.

Reader Comments (4)

I wish there were some impressionable young things in my department that I could "mentor". Haha

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

I work at a small office. We had only one hot employee in marketing. She got fired for doing the nasty in the stairwell during our investor partner cocktail party. Needless to say she is gone. All we have left now is some crazy lady in development who think Aliens are replacing people in the office. Sigh

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

We have a female in our office who latches onto any any man who is remotely attractive, married or not. She's a fucking piranha. I can't tell you how many men her name has been linked with. And she's sorta attractive if you discount the lying backstabbing aspect of her. The sad thing is, her husband is the nicest man ever... and really kinda cute. I mean, I'd do him. I think.

October 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Matt and Nnamdi: You guys should upgrade to a larger company. More women, more opportunity. More politics, but it's just the price of admission.

Tech-Babe: Once I get older, I'm going to have to rely on that power and money thing. I hope I have them by then...

Winter: Sounds like Conklin's slutty wife. Yeah, then you should do him. He needs it.

October 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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