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« Fernandez and His Lazy Eye | Main | Lunch with Lissa and Her Tits »
Tuesday
Oct282008

A Wiener from Fucking Austria

 

Triplet called me down to HR again today because I hired a Wiener from Fucking Austria.

I hired a project manager for one of the more critical projects and he just happens to be Guenther Wiener from Fucking Austria. He was the most qualified candidate for the position. How can I possibly get into trouble for that?

Once again, I found myself sitting across the desk from Triplet, the VP of HR, as she looked at me with deep disappointment in her eyes.

"I understand you're calling your new PM inappropriate names," she said.

"Like what?" I asked.

She referenced something on her notepad and said: "For instance... 'Wiener'."

"Well," I said, "That's because he is a Wiener."

Triplet did not like my answer. Her look brought me back to high school. Same look I always used to get from the principal...

"From what I'm told, his name is Guenther," she said.

"I know," I said. "And he's a Wiener."

"He is not," she argued.

"He's a Wiener through and through, trust me," I said. "He was born a Wiener and he'll die a Wiener."

"If you don't like him, why did you hire him," she snapped.

"Who said I don't like him?" I asked, surprised. "He's a very likeable Wiener."

This frustrated Triplet greatly. She was determined to punish me for this one.

"I also understand..." She said, as she again referenced the notepad. "You've been referring to his country of origin in a derrogatory way."

"How so?" I asked. "He's from Fucking Austria."

Her eyes bulged and she raised her finger and made it nod several times as if I'd just validated the accusation.

"You cannot refer to his country that way," she said.

"It's just Fucking Austria. What's the big deal?" I asked.

"There's nothing wrong with Austria," she said.

"And I like Fucking, too," I said.

She gave me a funny look.

"What?" she asked.

"He showed me pictures of Fucking."

Again, she hesitated.

"What kind of pictures?"

"Fucking pictures."

Triplet suddenly seemed deeply troubled by what I was saying.

"Who was in the pictures?" she asked.

"He and his sister," I said. "Oh, and his dog. Fucking in the background."

Triplet finally agreed that Guenther was in fact a Wiener--but a perverted Wiener, for some reason. She told me to instruct Guenther to never show his Fucking pictures to anyone at work again if he wanted to continue to be employed by this company.

You can always count on HR to set things straight.

Reader Comments (9)

Hahaha...fucking great! Send Triplet the google map of Fucking, Austria to get her off your back.

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

fucking austria. been there. much nicer than scrotalfistula, nova scotia

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe FLOOD

The FLOOD: No waaaayyyyy!!!! LOL!

October 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Yeah, my memories of scrotalfistula are not so fond...

October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

She is such an easy target isn't she?

October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

I bet you didn't make it past the first block on his resume, with his name and address, before deciding to hire him.

October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

Is it just me, or are some of the sentences in the post out of order?

October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMystic

Hillarious!

That is all.

October 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJustin Scott

Tech Babe: I like keeping HR in the dark as long as possible. Not a hard thing to do.

Winter: The easiest. I love her.

Fishy5: You're absolutely right. I once hired two managers named Melissa and tried to hire a third, just to have three and always keep them confused as to which one I was referring to. Wasn't able to hire the third, but two was fun enough. My staff wanted to call one something else, like "Mel" for short to differentiate. I said no. I wanted to keep everyone confused.

Mystic: You are absolutely CORRECT. I have no idea how that happened. Maybe my blog is haunted. Fixed it now... Thanks for the heads up on that...

Justin: thanks. I guess it still somehow made sense...

October 29, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

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