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« Halloween 2008 | Main | A Wiener from Fucking Austria »
Thursday
Oct302008

Fernandez and His Lazy Eye

Fernandez has a lazy eye. You never know who he's talking to, even if it's just you and him in the room.

In a conference room full of people, it's anyone's guess. When he asks a question, everyone just looks at each other as if someone has a clue and will solve the mystery for everyone else. But alas, nobody volunteers the answer and we just have to venture a guess. Typically you'll get a couple people who end up answering at the same time.

I tend to just ignore all his questions and assume he's talking to someone else. Even when I'm alone with him. He doesn't much like this, especially when I say, "Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking to someone else."

I decided to fuck with Fernandez today by having Smithee leak a rumor that Fessler is planning to promote Mulhausen to Sr. VP. This gave me the idea to have Smithee leak a rumor to Mulhausen that Fessler is planning to promote Fernandez to Sr. VP as well.

Both Fernandez and Mulhausen closed their office doors for the better part of the day. Each, I'm sure, were trying to validate the rumor.

According to Fessler's assistant, both tried calling Fessler to have him confirm or deny the rumor. However, Fessler would not take either of their calls. The reason Fessler wouldn't take their calls is because he never takes their calls. This is because he hates both of them and refuses to speak to either of them, even though they are both direct reports. 

One at a time, both called me into their offices to ask me what I'd heard.

When Fernandez asked me what I'd heard, I ignored the question. He repeated the question and I said, "Oh, sorry. I thought you were talking to someone else."

This angered him and his lazy eye became even more lazy and I asked, "Are you still talking to me?"

At that point he kicked me out of his office.

When Mulhausen asked me what I'd heard, I said, "I heard someone was getting promoted and someone was getting fired." 

This took things up a notch. It also fueled the rumor mill fire and it went from Mulhausen full circle to Fernandez. 

Both men left the office early and I enjoyed the rest of my day knowing neither man would sleep a wink tonight. 

Does that make me evil?

Reader Comments (4)

Honestly If that's wrong, I wouldn't want to be right.

October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Worry not. I'm evil. Just testing everyone...

October 31, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

Machiavelli couldn't have done it better. :)

October 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Thanks Winter. My death will be next!

November 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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