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« Tit Candy | Main | Fernandez is a Playa »
Monday
Oct062008

Snip Snip

I know I've said this before.... I'm getting a vasectomy.

Which I'm sure my wife will find interesting since we haven't had sex for over a year.

Blair believes she is pregnant again. And since she believes my sperm is stronger than her husband's sperm, she again believes that if she is pregnant, the baby is mine.

I again believe that if she is pregnant, the baby is not mine. I believe this again for no other reason than I don't want the baby to be mine.

However, Blair is again not pregnant. Blair is on the pill. The pill is not 100% effective, but it's pretty damn close. And she's so meticulous and paranoid about it, I guarantee she has not missed a day. 

But even so, her paranoia makes me nervous. When I get nervous, I lose focus. When I lose focus, I fuck up. And when I fuck up... Well, I just blame someone else. But the bottom line is, I can't keep going through this shit with Blair. To put an end to it, I need to eliminate the possibility of her becoming paranoid about getting pregnant by me by getting a vasectomy. Not to mention all the other women I sleep with that could potentially use my sperm against me. 

It's time to go under the knife. This time, I mean it. Really. For sure this time. Really.

I've decided the thing I fear the most is not the actual operation. It's the preparation for  the operation. Of the inject, cut and burn, it's the inject I fear the most. That's the local anesthesia...

Local means anesthetizing the exact location in which they intend to operate. Anesthesia means an injection with a needle.

So they intend to stick a big ass needle into my balls. Twice. 

That's the part I just can't seem to get past. I mean, sure, they're going to cut my balls open and yank and twist and cut and solder. And sure, that doesn't sound inviting, but at least my balls are numb by then.

The problem I have is before my balls become numb--they're going to stick a big ass needle into them. Twice. 

Well, it's got to be done. 

Blair is not pregnant again even though she again thinks she is pregnant. And even though she again thinks she's pregnant, she again won't take the test to again prove she is not pregnant. This is because she believes that if she's not pregnant now, by taking the test she will somehow become pregnant. So the best way to prove she's not pregnant is to not take the test.

I'm going to call my doctor and make an appointment for a vasectomy as soon as he can get me in. 

Reader Comments (14)

Go for it. You just convinced me to do the same.

October 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrooklynBeast

I'm too new to you to know all the details, but you haven't had sex with your wife in over a year? Why not?

October 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermissquicksilver

I'm not married nor anywhere close....and I still know the answer to that question

October 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Got the "v" word post... Here love. Do you want me to be? LOL

October 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDevilbluedress

That sounds painful...so whats the tentative timeline?

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterXaeem

Brooklyn Beast: Good. Solidarity. Strength in numbers.

Missquicksilver: Yes, over a year. It's a long story and I rarely blog about my wife (more than a mere mention) for various reasons. In part, because its much less entertaining than my professional life.

Nnamdi: Stay unmarried. The grass is actually greener.

Devilbluedress: You keep showing up all over the place. Thanks for taking the time!

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Xaeem:

I was surprised because doc said he could actually fit me in this Friday. I asked to go the following Friday. I think I need at least two weeks to mentally prepare. My balls have somehow retracted up into my body in their prepubescent stage...

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Wow. Big decision there Jason. But I gotcha.' Chicks that use the whole "I'm pregnant" story all of sudden become morally ethical when the test comes back positive (or not). But I'm sure they were complete porn star-like freaks in the process begging for th sperm drop.

Anyway, what's the recovery time?

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

yo

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJed

NOOOOOO ITS A TRAAAAAAAP!!!!!


BLAIR IS MANIPULATING YOU!!!!!

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZorro

Well lets look at it. If she was manipulating him, what would she gain that Jason wouldn't? Unless that white picket fence, satin robe, pipe in mouth, wife in apron making apple pies is deep.....deeeeeep down in Jason's guilty dreams of tomorrow. If not, then they both get what they want. But then if she was manipulating him, that would mean she got what she wanted...that she tricked him. So the real question would be...would Jason X be ok with that?

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Tech Babe: 48 hours at a minimum, but doc recommends a week before sex. Jacking off can come sooner, after the 48 hours. gotta clean the pipes...

Zorro: Blair is definitely manipulating; I know she knows she's not pregnant.

Nnamdi: Since we're already both married to other people, this would definitely complicate things. No need for the white picket fence; got one, don't like it. However, as hard as it is for me to break it off with Blair, the thought of being with her permanently makes me want someone to cut into my balls ASAP.

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Well then play on playa.

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

All I know about vasectomies is what I learned from a Scrubs episode where Dr. Cox secretly gets one so his wife will stop having kids, then he gets it reversed as a show of good faith. I hope the thing takes... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTz8NgWvbQA

September 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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