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« How to Seduce Your Intern | Main | Thanksgiving '08 »

Black Monday

I usually like Mondays because I typically start the week with a bang.

After a long weekend I get to interact with my users again, which tends to lead to something dirty; something really fucked up in the best imaginable way.

Like a blowjob while I'm on a conference call with Accenture.

But today was one big fire drill for absolutely no reason at all.

Osmund got pissed off because she found out the application I support is working exactly as designed.

Kornfeld from Finance told Osmund that the application was not doing what it was not designed to do and that if it continued not doing what it was not designed to do, someone would have to continue doing what they do today.

Kornfeld did this in order to circumvent the usual process by which a system enhancement this size gets budgeted, approved, developed, and delivered. If he convinces people at the top that the application should be doing something it's not, even though it was never designed to do that thing, he thinks he can scare I.T. into making the change without jumping through the usual approval hoops.

The fact that the system was not doing what it was not designed to do pissed off Osmund greatly, so she called Fessler, who called Mulhausen and Fernandez, who called Smithee, who did not answer his phone, but who's secretary called me to tell me Osmund was pissed off about my application that functioned exactly as expected.

I had to meet with Mulhausen and Fernandez to explain to them both why the application works exactly as designed. They too did not understand why the application does not do what it is not supposed to do if Kornfeld is saying that it should.

I assured them that the application was never intended to do what it currently does not do and that Kornfeld was only trying to make I.T. look bad in order to make his own department look good.

I called Blair and told her to tell her boss Kornfeld that the application works as designed and I have his signature agreeing that the functional requirements were met. From a political perspective, I was giving him an opportunity to fix this situation before I embarrassed him publicly.

I should have been talking dirty to Blair, but instead I was talking business. How disgusting is that?

Kornfeld did not want to be embarrassed publicly so he went back to Osmund and said that they did a quick cost benefit analysis and it appears that continuing to handle this particular process outside the system will save the company thousands of dollars per month.

What a waste of fucking time.

And absolutely no bang today.

Reader Comments (7)

Yea but you put someone in their place and that counts for something.

December 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

All of us who have ever been a programmer or even an IT professional has had the fun of such days...and I use fun loosely.


December 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDavid

Nnamdi: It definitely counts. And now he knows I spared him the embarrassment, so maybe he'll hold back one time with me. We'll see...

David: Yeah, happened again today. Starts out as a "simple" request, but starts turning into a full blown project with major scope creep from that original request and then it's too late. I nipped that one in the bud immediately today.

December 2, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

Fucking IT vs. Business blood-baths! Adds a bit of excitement now and again but to deal on a daily will drive to insanity. (Just outta' curiosity...was there any documentation?)

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Yes, documentation and sign off, both on specs and completion. But this guy always thinks he can pull one over on me. He's from Finance, after all.

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Maybe HE's fucking Blair!

December 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

Uh, no. You saw this guy, you'd never make that comment.

December 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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