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« Conklin's Slutty Wife | Main | Tech-Babe and Blair »
Friday
Feb012008

10 Uses for a Blackberry Besides Communication

I hate my Blackberry today. Either it wasn't functioning properly or people were bothering me to oftenblackberry88001.jpg about too many things I don't care about. I felt like going to the roof and chucking it over the edge to see it drop 34 floors to a very satisfying early retirement. But then I figured people was assume I was suicidal again, and I wasn't in the mood for that. So I thought of other things I could do with my crackberry today. Here's the list

  1. A puck: For stick hockey in the hallway. Mulhausen doesn't like it when I play stick hockey in the hallway, but he's afraid of my Indian programmers, especially the Punjabi. Mainly because he believes the Punjabi are Arabs and will blow him up with a bomb if he pisses them off. So he usually calls me on my Blackberry to get my attention and tell me to stop. If my Blackberry is the puck, probably solved.
  2. A door jam: To keep the door open, or better still, to keep it closed when I'm having sex with someone. Locking it doesn't necessarily do the job since Teri has the key. 
  3. A coaster: To protect my solid black Walnut desk.
  4. A step stool: If I can't quite reach the top of my bookshelf, I can step on my Blackberry which gives me at least an extra half inch.
  5. More bulge: I can also stuff it down my pants for an extra half inch of bulge to impress the ladies.
  6. Water sports: Make mini-cannonballs by dropping it in the toilet.
  7. A skateboard: Use it to slide across the linoleum floor in the kitchen.
  8. Dessert: Pour caramel sauce all over it, give it to the Intern and tell him to eat it.
  9. Fix an uneven table: When I go to a crappy restaurant for lunch and get one of those wobbling tables I can put my Blackberry under one of the legs and even it out.
  10. A weapon: Beat the shit out of the next fucker who calls me on it.

Can you tell I'm in a bad mood? It's Friday and most of the people around here are ecstatic. But I've got a whole weekend with my wife ahead of me. Yippee.

Reader Comments (5)

Here's one more Jason...an excuse to work remotely, even though you're just out screwin' around and not actually working. As long as people know they have this leash on you, most times, they don't care if they see you in the office or not.

Well, with the exception of Blair, perhaps.

February 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Yeah, Blackberries are the root of all privacy interferences. You will never be too far from your work, even on weekends!

On the other note, you did enlighten the other useful function of it..

Suddenly point #10 makes more sense than ever.

February 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBlack Zedd

Yes, #10 is a dangerously sensible use for the Blackberry. Especially for me on Friday. But I feel all better again...

February 4, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

it's a nice blackberry ..
i LIKE IT ...
HMMM...

February 4, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternyari duit di internet

And here I was just considering investing in one...I'm sure I can find a tax write off in one of these uses!

February 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterExposed NYC

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