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« Bomb Threat Check List | Main | Still Sick »
Friday
Feb082008

Bertha is not Anorexic

Bertha is not anorexic even though at 5'6" she weighs 90 pounds and will only eat stick-figure-me.jpgtwo saltine crackers per day because she believes her body is hideously fat.

Bertha is Kornfeld's assistant. And although Kornfeld always pretends to be healthy, he is always afflicted with some illness. Bertha always perpetuates his delusion by telling Kornfeld how healthy and fit he looks even though he looks like death. In turn, Kornfeld always tells Bertha how healthy she looks even though she looks like a Sally Struthers photo op from Ethiopia.

They work very well together.

My assistant Teri is friends with Bertha. Teri is about ten pounds overweight and is currently taking diet pills to shed the excess. Betha is jealous of Teri because she believes Teri is much skinnier than she is even though Teri is about 40 pounds heavier than Bertha. Teri is not jealous of Bertha because Bertha is about to die.

Blair is jealous of Bertha, but not because she is about to die. Blair is jealous of Bertha because she always has men standing at her cube giving her attention because she is so skinny she is about to die.

A lot of men seem to like very skinny women, which is probably why anorexia exists. I personally like some meat on the bones, but can go either way. Blair does not want to be as skinny as Bertha, but she does want many men standing around her office because she is an attention whore. Many men would stand around Blair's office because Blair is absolutely stunning. But she also happens to be a bitch, which makes men scatter like cockroaches when she enters the room.

This cannot be explained to Blair because Blair does not believe she is a bitch. So just like Bertha believes she's fat and Kornfeld believes he's healthy, Blair believes she's sweet.

Finance is a department full of delusional people. I just thought I'd point that out. Again.

By the way, Conklin is still freaking out because I won't speak to him anymore because I can't trust him. Right where I want him.

I feel better, even though I'm still a little sick. Blair went home early because she wasn't feeling well.

Ha ha.

Have a good weekend.

Reader Comments (2)

You should start comparing Bertha to the more overweight people around work and comment on her clothe size to see if she does literally starve herself to death.

February 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWhiteDragon

That is an awesome idea.

February 9, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

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