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« Jesus and the Easter Bunny | Main | Spain »
Friday
Mar212008

Italy

There was nobody to fuck in the Rome office.pisafreefoto.jpg

Not because there weren't any good looking women. There were. Mama mia, there were some hot woman in that office. But everyone was already fucking someone else in the office, so there was nobody left to fuck me. 

Some were open about it, but most were subversive about their fucking. A lot of married people fucking. I thought it was bad back at the office in Los Angeles; but this, my friends, is what you call a major fucking fuck fest.

So the problem was this: every time I started working some girl in the office, some angry guido would walk up with a smile on his face but threaten to choke the life out of me with his eyes. And I never knew who was fucking who, so I had to assume everyone was fucking everyone, otherwise I would get the life choked out of me by someone. 

At dinner, it was much more obvious. We sat at a large square table in a private room at a small restaurant. All the men were paired with the woman they were fucking. I was paired with Mulhausen. You could tell that everyone knew who everyone was fucking, even though everyone pretended they knew nothing about anyone.

And although the women at the table were very pretty, I could not look at any of them for fear the life would be choked out of me by the men sitting next to them. Nor could I talk to any of the women directly because that would only compound the odds that the life would be choked out of me by the men sitting next to them. As charitable hosts as they were, nobody was sharing any Italian pussy. 

I also could not talk to the men at the table because then the woman sitting next to them would join in the conversation, and you know what that would get me. 

So unfortunately, that left me with Mulhausen.  

Our host for the evening was the GM (General Manager) of the Italy Territory, and he looked and sounded like Tony Soprano. The woman to his right, which was the woman he was fucking, was absolutely stunning. She had long, dark curly hair, dark eyes and big full lips that seemed to be stuck in a natural pucker.  

I told Mulhausen he should compliment the women at the table by telling each they were beautiful beyond words. As a married Christian man, he was very uncomfortable with this. But I told him that it was a custom in Italy and if he didn't, he would offend the men at the table, especially our host. I told him that as the senior ranking person, it was his responsibility to dish out the compliments. If I tried to do it, the host would view that as an insult. And since dueling was still legal in Italy, the host would most likely challenge him to a sword fight which, of course, would be to the death. 

Mulhausen quickly started handing out the compliments. Now this, my dearest friends, was entertainment. Spaghetti filled mouths stopped chewing, eyes bulged, head veins popped. Now, any normal person would realize at this point that something was wrong; that whatever you just said was a very bad thing. But not Mulhausen. No no no. He kept right on going. All the way around the table to the woman next to the GM.

I excused myself, said I wasn't feeling very well, and went back to the hotel room, leaving Mulhausen to the lions...

Unfortunately, somehow he survived the evening. Fucker has nine lives.

Well, I used some variation of the word Fuck 12 times in this post. Actually, now that makes 13. But 13 is an unlucky number, so I'll finish with one final Fuck

I hope nobody was offended.

That wraps up my Europe trip. I haven't been as consistent with my posts lately, because this new fucking global job is actually making me work for a change. Something has to be done about that...

15.  

Reader Comments (3)

Based on the lack of 'activity' in Italy, I'd say this graphic of the Leaning Tower of Pisa is quite fitting...LOL!!!! Great for Blair though=P

March 21, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Fuck that was funny.

March 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

How on earth can someone be that uneducated about the world? FUCK.

September 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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