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« Aho Made Fun of Mai Ding | Main | Girl Scout Cookies »
Wednesday
Apr162008

Conklin's In-Laws

Conklin is still grieving the death of his slutty wife.scary_monster.JPG

And although he still blames me for the accidental death of his slutty wife during our attempt to murder her, I believe he is beginning to warm up to the fact that she's actually gone forever. While she was alive, I don't think he fully realized how much she mentally tortured him. But now, after her demise, he's finally beginning to see the full extent of her wickedness.

And although he still pretends to be angry with me because he blames me for the accidental death of his slutty wife during our attempt to murder her, I really think he's thankful deep down inside.

Apparently her in-laws are still in town after having attended the funeral. According to him, they are, as expected, unfortunately replicas of his slutty wife's evil and sadistic persona.

Conklin spends most of his time at work these days because he needs to "keep busy" after the tragedy. What he's really doing is steering clear of the Adams Family.

  • Slutty Papa doesn't have a job. Hasn't had one in 30 years. Drinks a lot though. And complains about the economy. Apparently he looks like an unshaven Mr. Rogers but has a squirrelly voice like Larry Flint.
  • Slutty Mama is fat and moley. She's the breadwinner of the family. She works at WalMart.
  • Slutty Brother is a younger version of Slutty Papa, drinks just as much and works just as little.
  • Slutty Sister is apparently twice as evil as Conklin's dead slutty wife and better looking. Conklin wishes he married her instead.

Conklin is having dinner with the in-laws tonight. I encouraged him to bring a date. You know, let them know he's ready to move on and start living again. You can only mourn for so long, right? It's been a couple of weeks.

But I think Conklin is finished taking advice from me.  

Probably a wise decision.  

Reader Comments (2)

Why did I know her family had to be just like her? Better hope Conklin doesn't decide to let the slutty sister in law comfort him in his time of grief. Otherwise, you could be right back where you started with credenzas (or whatever it was) hanging out the window...

April 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

As long as they don't have a taxidermist stuff her I think he'll be okay.

September 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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