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« Sodomy Among Friends | Main | What Does This Mean? »
Friday
Apr252008

Conklin's Dead Slutty Wife's Evil Sister Fiona the Cunt

As most of you know, I hate the weekends. I hate the weekends because I love the weekdays. I love418px-Evil_woman.JPG the weekdays because I'm not at home.

It's difficult to go home on Fridays. So I usually start looking for a distraction that will keep me from going home on Friday for as long as possible. Unfortunately, the only distraction I've had all day is Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt.

I realize she doesn't have anything on us. Because even though Conklin and I were trying to murder his slutty wife at the time she accidentally died, we did not, in fact, kill her. A truck killed her, and that was not a part of my plan to murder her.

There were witnesses. We're in the clear.

However... This clever little bitch somehow believes there was foul play involved for some reason, which there was, but only to prove a point to Conklin's slutty wife. There was no real intention to murder her. Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt will never find any of this out, but she obviously believes we're responsible for her slutty sister's death and I have a feeling she doesn't need proof to hold a grudge, just a preponderance of the evidence.

But what can she do to hurt me?  Well, her dead slutty sister threatened to expose my indiscretions to Blair. And that was the less evil sister. Which is why I've been very distracted the last couple of days.

I considered leaving work early today to hook up with Athena the Lesbian, but I was worried that I would be too distracted by the thought of Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt. If I'm too distracted, I won't be able to have sex with Athena the Lesbian. If I can't have sex with Athena the Lesbian because I'm too distracted, I will then also become distraught. Being distracted and distraught at the same time will only lead to depression.

This would be the case with any woman I tried to use to distract me from being distracted from Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt.

Except one.

My wife.

Since I never have sex with my wife, I don't have to worry about being unable to have sex with her because I'm too distracted by the thought of Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt. And if I'm not worried about not being able to have sex because I'm too distracted, I won't become distraught which then won't lead to depression.  

You see what she's already doing to me without doing anything? This is the first night in years that I've consciously elected to spend with my wife at home.

I've got to stop this woman. I've got to stop her immediately. Or I could end up completely faithful to my wife.

Reader Comments (12)

You could just fuck HER. She might enjoy and stop this shit. Or not, but then you'll have had a good fuck.

April 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

I tried that approach with a similar evil cunt in college. Fuck or fight, right? I'd rather fuck.

That little twat slipped me a ruffie, dressed me up like little Bo Peep and let's just say, there was a couple of live sheep in the photo she plastered all over campus.

Fucking someone this evil for a good "fuck you" fuck only gets you fucked. I'm gonna have to pass.

April 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Yeah, some people just aren't worth the fuck. If you're gonna fuck someone, there needs to be pluses in there for you. I should know. I lost my virginity in a grudge fuck. Stupid move. I should have bartered it more wisely.

Congrats on the new domain. Sorry you have to fuck your wife.

April 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Now let's not get carried away. Even if I was somehow faithful to her, that doesn't mean I'd fuck her.

April 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

What are shares of Astroglide going for these days? heh

April 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

I have to admit, I kind of like the fact that there is actually a woman that is fucking with YOUR head for a change and is fucking up your sex life. This chick rocks !! KARMA IS A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH !!!!!!!!!!

April 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKarma

You said it Karma, not me.

April 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Ha! Good one Jason, but I actually am a bitch so you're pretty dead on...toodles !

April 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKarma

Or in this case, KARMA's a CUNT!

Wow, I'm gone for a few days and look what I've been missing!

April 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

"Toodles"? Hmmmm. I guess we've pretty much exhausted this thread...

April 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Cunt punt her then RUN! That's the only advice I have on this one. At this point you need to get her fired somehow before Mulhausen and her try to fuck up your life further.

September 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

Fiona the Cunt was originally one of the character names in Cinerella, so you're spot on.

(N.B. They changed it as there was already a Fiona de Cunto in a Molleire farce.)

P.S. Love your blog.

December 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNP

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