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« Help Desk | Main | Conklin's Dead Slutty Wife's Evil Sister Fiona the Cunt »
Monday
Apr282008

Sodomy Among Friends

Apparently Lucia no longer enjoys sodomy with Tanner from Toys. 

Recently Lucia stopped letting me sodomize her because I'm not religious. And although she did not believe she was cheating on her boyfriend while I was sodomizing her, she did believe she was sinning against God by being sodomized by a heathen. So to remedy the situation, she sought sodomy from Tanner, the Assistant Manager in Toys, with whom she was also attending weekly Bible Study.

And although she was being sodomized by Tanner from Bible Study, she was still not cheating on her boyfriend because the act of sodomy is not technically intercourse. Lucia believes that if the dick doesn't touch the pussy, it isn't cheating. And since Tanner is a strong Christian and a faithful servant of God Almighty, sodomy with a Christian like him is much better than sodomy with a heathen like me.

Unfortunately, sodomy with a Christian like Tanner is not nearly as fun as sodomy with a heathen like me. So Lucia has decided to stop letting Tanner sodomize her so that she can once again enjoy sodomy with a heathen.

Apparently Tanner liked to repent right after they did the dirty deed. And he liked to do it with her by his side. With me, Lucia always liked to enjoy the moment right after, then repent the next day. Since she did not believe sodomy was cheating, the only thing she was seeking penance for was doing it with a heathen. So Lucia was never quite sure why Tanner was repenting. Apparently Bible Study has not covered the topic of sodomy yet.

Lucia asked me if there were any hard feelings. I said, No, we're friends. You took a break, and now you're back. What's the big deal?

So being a good friend, I tried to sodomize Lucia after work, but unfortunately I failed. She cried and said that she knew I had hard feelings about her dumping me so that Tanner could sodomize her instead. 

But that wasn't it friends. Oh no, that wasn't it. You know what it was...

Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt.

A distraction like this can be a horrible thing. She's plotting something, I just don't know what it is. And it's driving me crazy.

After work tomorrow in Conference room 3402, we're finally screening McKinney's rough cut of his 3D porn film staring Nick Zima and Candi Kans. It'll be a small group, and since Conklin can't attend, I've decided to screen his own performance with Blendi the Unvirgin (who was at the time, Blendi the Virgin).

Maybe this will distract me from the other distraction long enough to commit a little sodomy.  

Reader Comments (9)

Oooh. Buttsecks. Yummy. Hopefully, thoughts of that evil cunt don't interfere again. Concentrate, Jason! Compartmentalize!

April 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

I'm w/ Winter Jason...YOU CAN DO THIS! Focus Man!!!! Get it together!!!

April 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Ewww gross, sodomy should only be for prison inmates. Assholes are for exiting not entering.

Well, maybe I shouldn't knock it until I try it. If gay men, inmates, and all the women you're having sex with like it, maybe I will to. Got any time to break a girl in ? ;)

April 29, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthe butt virgin

You sure went from "Ewww gross" to "Got any time to break a girl in?" quickly. You don't sound like a butt virgin to me... Sounds very suspicious...

You're not Conklin's dead slutty wife's evil sister Fiona the Cunt, are you?

Sorry, I'm a little paranoid these days...

April 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Trust me, I'm the furthest thing from a white girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. Definitely not Fiona the cunt. But I am a butt virgin, that's the only thing about me that's virgin like. I guarantee that if you saw my butt your focus would be completely on me and NOT Fiona the cunt.

April 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthe butt virgin

The Butt Virgin sounds like a skank Jason. But you like skanks, so break the poor girl in.

April 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDon'tdoit

So you're saying I should do it, right Don'tdoit?

The Butt Virgin: Send me a photo of your butt. If I can focus on your butt and not Fiona the Cunt, maybe I can break you in after all.

April 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Don'tdoit, why are you being such a cock blocker ? Jason is skanky and he likes skanky girls, we should get along just fine !

Jason, I would send you a pic of my butt but you won't be able to stop looking at, trust me on this. Plus, you need to add someone new to your userpool anyway. All this talk of helpdesk's and the lack of your sexual escapades isn't really turning me on. Let's pick it up a notch !

April 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthe butt virgin

Well, I'll see what I can do Butt Virgin. Lalalalala.

April 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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