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« The Matrix | Main | Zenda the Persian »
Monday
Jun232008

The Office Slut

I owe Gladstone a lunch.  

I have proven Zenda the Persian is not having an affair Rusbridge because she is now having an affair with me. If she were having an affair with Rusbridge, she would not have an affair with me because that would make her an office slut. I know for a fact that Zenda the Persian is not an office slut, otherwise I would have slept with her a long time ago.

I just assumed she was unavailable because I thought she was fucking Rusbridge and would not double fuck at work. Double fucking at work is a very serious thing. You have to be fully committed to being an office slut if you're going to double fuck at work. And if you're fully committed to being an office slut at work, everyone knows you're an office slut. And since nobody considers Zenda the Persian an office slut, there's no way she would double fuck at work. And since she had sex with me on Friday night and she's not an office slut, that means it was a single fuck and therefore she's not having an affair with Rusbridge and I owe Gladstone a lunch.  

Now Alison is definitely an office slut. And although she is an office slut, I have never had sex with her. But that's because Melanie, Brandi, and Lucia all believed I wanted to have sex with her because she is an office slut. But that's exactly why I couldn't have sex with her. I can only have sex with a woman at work if other women at work I'm having sex with do not think I want to have sex with her.

Apart from the double fuck criteria, to be an office slut like Alison, there are also some other qualifiers to choose from. In my opinion, an office slut will also:

  • Blow more than one man at any one holiday party
  • Make out with at least one other woman in front of an audience of men at one or more holiday parties in a given year
  • Come to work in the same clothes as the day before at least twice in a given year
  • Become an urban legend at work because of rumors of unnatural sex acts performed on various men in the company
  • Have drinks with four different men in a given month and let each hit any base (1st, 2nd, 3rd, or home); four combined bases equates to a home run for all of them
  • Have a threesome or more with any combination of men and women from the office

I'm sure there others; feel free to mention... 

Although women I'm having sex with at work might think I want to have sex with Zenda the Persian, none of them think that I actually will have sex with her because they think she's having an affair with Rusbridge and would never double fuck at work because she's not an office slut. So in this case, I can have sex with a woman at work that other women at work I'm having sex with think I want to have sex with because they think I never will.

It makes sense, trust me. 

By the way, sex with Zenda was fucking amazing. I've never been with a Persian before, but I recommend it highly. She did some pretty crazy shit to me... 

(This is how the urban legend gets started...) 

Reader Comments (11)

You MUST elaborate on this "crazy shit" you speak of.

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZorro

Hey Jason...I'm confused. Why does everything having to do with being an office slut only apply to women. You are the biggest fucking office slut around !

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterobserver

Observer: You know what they call a male slut, right?

Normal.

I don't make the rules, I just report the story...

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Zorro: She's a squirter. And she knows exactly how to use that little circus trick of hers. I felt like I was at the Patpong pussy show again--except I was a very integral part of the show. I didn't know she was a squirter until she had me tied to the bed. "Drenched" would be an understatement. That woman is a walking watercooler...

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

What do you know? A human slip n' slide=P

See, told you you'd fuck her Jason!

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Female ejaculators are apparently a hot commodity. Tommy Lee loves them. He doesn't care what they look like... if they squirt, he wants it. I'm thinking I must learn to do this... after all it's my life's ambition to be a rock star's slut. BTW, they hiring in your dept, Jason? I'm sooo tired of my company. :(

June 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

"not double fuck at work" LOL!!! Great blog, dude!:) Nice writing, hehe! Keep on rocking!

June 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBilligflug Lima

I'm drunk and about to smoek a bowl. Don't really remember where I'm going with this but um thanks for elaborating I couldn't sleep at night without knowing this vital information.

June 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterZorro

Tech Babe: You were right. So am I...

Winter: Supply and demand. This is the first time I've run into it--definitely a trait to acquire if you want demand to go up.

Billigflug Lima: Thanks and love the name.

Zorro: Have fun, wish I was doing the same.

June 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

The whole office slut thing has to do with perception. You can appear to be the office slut if you just dress slutty. It's about how much provable evidence there is. I can look like a saint if I need to which is why no one ever suspects me of anything. Jason gets away with it cause he's smart enough to cover his tracks. These women in your office are dumb. I still can't believe no one has connected the dots yet.

September 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

M: None of these women want to be known as the woman sleeping with a married man. Or if they're married, they don't want to be the adulteress at work. They keep the secret even better than I do...

September 14, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

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