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« Jet Lag | Main | Blair Does Not Miss Me »
Tuesday
Jun032008

Business Trip Drinking

The problem with drinking on business trips is that you drink like it's the weekend. Hangover-Shelter-Posters.jpg

But it's not the weekend. Last night was not Friday and today is not Saturday, the day you get to sleep it off. Today is Tuesday and it's a work day just like any other weekday work day. 

Back in Los Angeles, I may drink on a weekday night, but only in moderation because I’m either getting to know a user I’m about to fuck or I’m drinking with a user I already know who I’m about to fuck. The fuck is the thing.

When you’re on a business trip, the fuck is a perk, but it’s not the thing. The drink is the thing.

When you go on a business trip, especially overseas, there's always someone from the local office who takes you out to a great dinner and buys you drinks all night. That was the case last night here in Japan.

After the restaurant, we checked out a couple of bars, but guess what? Nobody goes out drinking on Monday night in Tokyo either. They all have to work in the morning, just like me.

When I came out of the bar, two cops tried to arrest me. For some reason, they thought I was smoking weed or something. I don't know why, but maybe it had something to do with my loud rant about how nobody goes drinking in this town.

They asked for my passport, which of course, I didn’t have. Memories of Tijuana came rushing back, but they don’t operate that way here. They weren't looking for a bribe; I think they really were planning to arrest me. But I told them which entertainment company I worked for and they apparently like the movies we make. Once they were smiling, I waved and walked away hoping I was in the clear. Somehow, it worked.

We went back to the hotel and drank Macallan single malt scotch whiskey at the bar. I'm like a nymphomaniac whenever a drink is handed to me. I can't say no. And Satish, the Accenture consultant, kept handing me a drink.

We started talking about how we hated our jobs and the annoying women in our lives.

So we decided it was time to quit our jobs and start fresh. We both called our bosses and quit over the phone.

I did not call Mulhausen, because technically, I report to Smithee. So I called Smithee and left a very long and angry voicemail message and ended it with I quit.

But since Smithee doesn't technically exist, I tendered my resignation with nobody.

Harlington, Satish's boss, does technically exist, so Satish did tender his resignation to someone. Luckily, Harlington didn't take him seriously and didn't accept his resignation.

But since Satish also called Harlington's wife and told her he's been dying to do a deep dive into her snatch, Harlington will probably fire him anyway. 

I also drunk texted Blair and told her I hate her whore ass and never want to see her again. But since it looked like this:

a jddol dirilel dkd aabh kdddd dkf afd; rreke fed dkd edksa akd akadk afdirikric. ccccccccc.

I think I was holding the phone upside down... Anyway, I'm sure Blair still does not miss me and can't wait until I come back. Which is today, actually. I'm at the airport ready to go.

I think I'm still a little drunk. I've been drunk all day, and especially felt it in the morning meeting. So did Satish. We drank a lot of fucking alcohol last night. My left hand is numb. It's been that way all day. Not sure what that means, but I'm sure it's not good.

See you back in L.A.

Reader Comments (3)

Ooooh. Macallan is some GOOD Scotch.Damn you know how to do things right, Jason!

June 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Drunk texting is almost always going to look like giberish, which is a good thing. The person on the receiving end only assumes you're thinking of that person, which makes that person feel special.

WELCOME HOME JASON!

June 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Oh, that was quite an experience in Japan! I wonder how you felt when cops tried to arrest you, that might have been like a nightmare, huh! :)
Cape Town

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCape Town<

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