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« Setting Traps Around the Office | Main | The Matrix 3 - Revolutions »
Monday
Jun302008

Fashingbauer Can't Quit His Job

Fashingbauer wants to quit his job, but he doesn't know how.timetoquit21dk3.jpg

He's an Oracle DBA who reports to Dinton. Since nobody can find Dinton, least of all his own staff, Fashingbauer cannot submit his resignation because he has nobody to submit it to.

He has spoken to HR about the situation, but Triplet says her hands are tied. According to HR policy, for a resignation to be valid, you must submit the signed resignation to your direct supervisor. Fashingbauer cannot submit the signed resignation to Dinton because he cannot find Dinton. He has left voicemail messages and sent email messages, but he has not received a response. He even sent him a meeting request to meet so that he can deliver his signed resignation, but the meeting was rejected.

The meeting was not rejected by Dinton, but rather by his assistant Beth who has been instructed by Dinton to reject every meeting proposal he gets. Dinton does not want to meet with anyone because if he appears to have time to meet with someone, it will appear that he doesn't have anything to do. So he always keeps his calendar completely free so that he can tell everyone that he is completely booked. 

If Dinton appears to always be completely booked, nobody can accuse him of not having anything to do.

This is why Fashingbauer can't quit his job.

And while he can't quit his job, he can't get fired either.

Fashingbauer has decided the only way out is to get fired. So he has stopped working all together. And it's not that he refuses to do the work. He gladly accepts the work but then just doesn't do it. He agrees to get it done, but it is always never done by the time it's due.

This is particularly upsetting to both Mulhausen and Fernandez, and I suppose Smithee too, because they have projects dependent on the work Fashingbauer is supposed to be completing for them but that has now come to a grinding halt.   

This all just trickles down to me, since I'm running the projects. But I don't care because Fashingbauer is the bottleneck, so I don't have do any work on the project until he does. The longer he tries to get fired by not doing his job, the longer I don't have to do my job without getting fired. 

Mulhausen and Fernandez both went to HR to complain about Fashingbauer and try to get him fired. Unfortunately, according to HR policy, Fashingbauer's direct supervisor is the only person who can actually fire him. So unless they can find Dinton, Fashingbauer can't be fired.

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal for Fashingbauer. I hope he doesn't reconsider quitting or trying to get fired, otherwise he might want to keep his job and worse--start doing his job again. Which would mean I would have to start doing my job again.

Let's just hope Fashingbauer continues to want to leave the company for a very long time. 

Reader Comments (10)

Lol.. I'd just stop coming and start whatever new job. And if they want to keep sending paychecks, so be it.

June 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

Haha, nice one. I'll recommend that. Then I'll be guaranteed that he won't ever do his job so these projects will never move forward and I'll never have to do my job while I wait for him to never do his.

June 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

This is hilarious on one hand...not so funny when you're still fully accountable for moving the project forward, regardless of the apparent bottleneck.

Kinda' the situation I'm in now=/

July 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

The dynamic is so insane it nearly causes your head to explode. You have one guy who is doing nothing for the company because he wants to get fired working for the guy that does nothing for the company because he *doesn't* want to get fired.

July 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDigitalSocrates

As long as he doesn't do his job so that he can get fired, I can not do my job and not get fired. But the reason I don't want to do my job is so that I can get promoted.

The less you do in this company the more you're rewarded. Because the more you do, the more you make others do--and nobody wants to do anything because everyone wants to do less but get more. So if you rock the boat, you fall overboard.

How's that make your head feel?

July 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Makes me glad I'm an artist instead of a pencil pusher.

July 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDigitalSocrates

I want that job. I'd read blogs and write sex all day and still get paid. Sweet.

July 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

You're not already doing that? You're working too hard, Winter.

July 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Someone has to. The two numbnuts in my dept don't know how. And somehow, if they don't work, my boss and his boss hold me accountable for the stuff that isn't done. Just because I get paid way more per hour than they do does make me their supervisor... yet the higher ups treat me that way. The "evil" HR manager says I should take some of the nearly 200 hrs of vacation I have accrued and let them all suffer. She says they need a serious wake up call. I still say they will get it when I walk out. I was close this week. I even put the phone # of the cemetery software company back east (the one that head hunted me) into my cell phone...

July 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Does NOT make me the supervisor. I can't type. I'm gonna go take another nap. Nothing like being naked in the middle of the day when no one is home and work isn't gonna call me for anything.

July 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

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