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« The Latest Reorg | Main | Jet Lag »
Thursday
Jun052008

Dysfunctional Lover or Bloodsucking Vampire?

I know what you're thinking... I'm pissed off at Blair, so I compare her to a bloodsucking vampire.vampires_4.jpg

Not true.

Yes, I am pissed off at her. But I really do believe she might be a bloodsucking vampire.  

Let me tell you why. First reference one of Winter's Vampire articles.

Now here are the questions you need to answer to determine whether your lover is just dysfunctional or an actual bloodsucking vampire:

  1. Does she fear the crucifix, especially right after having sex with you?
  2. Does she bite you during sex?
  3. Does she draw blood when she bites you during sex?
  4. Does she appear to be soulless, most notably during fits of jealousy?
  5. Does she refer to you as her bloodmate?
  6. Does she hiss when you stick your stake into her?
  7. Do her eyes actually turn red when she lies to you?
  8. When being passive/aggressive, does her shadow disappear?
  9. When angry for no fucking reason, does her reflection in the mirror disappear?
  10. Does she tend to froth at the mouth for no apparent reason?
  11. Does she seem to fear sunlight, especially when you fail to meet her expectations?
  12. Does she suck the life out of you?

If you answered "yes" to these questions, I'd say you have a bona fide bloodsucker on your hands.

I give you Blair, the vampire.  

Makeup/Reunion sex did not go as planned. Still waiting for the makeup...
 

Reader Comments (11)

I'm flattered to be your expert witness here. Heh. Maybe she's a Hellbound vampire. The kind who have a bloodborne disease that sucks them into a downward spiral of madness and evil. The only HB female vampire in the Bar Story had a woman's head in a jar... as a pet. Do you really think Blair is that bad? Just exactly how badly did things go with her?

June 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Uuuuhhhh...not sure what to make of this one Jason. But whatever you're into dude.

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Winter...a woman's head in a jar at a bar?!?!?! Good grief!!!!

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Hellbound vampire. Downward spiral of madness and evil. Yeah. That sounds about right...

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Tech Babe, the story is called The Bar. Penelope cut off the head of her predecessor and put it in a jar as a pet. Later, she threatened her ex... by showing him the jar she had for his head... the one she had for penis.

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

GAH! HIS penis not just any penis. BTW, at the time she showed him the jars... he was chained to a wall in her dungeon. He was totally thinking she was gonna kill him and stick his dick in a jar.

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Holy fucking shit Winter!

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Winter...BTW, your blog rocks! =)

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Thanks Tech Babe! Come by and vote in my poll. Maybe if I do a show I'll have you and Jason on. That would be really interesting!

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

My vote is in Winter! And yes, it would be extremely interesting...Vamps and Corp. America=P

June 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Lotsa people think corporate America is sucking the blood from the consumer so... it could work!

June 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

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