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« Can't Save Her Life, Can't Have Sex with Her | Main | The Cock Block »
Friday
Aug152008

The Rumor Mill

The Rumor Mill is a powerful thing. It can destroy you in the corporate world. It can also be used to your advantage. 

Smithee sent an email today to Mulhausen with a little gossip about Faudeux. Here's what it said.

"Do you know a guy in Int'l Marketing named Faudeux? I was told he was the go-to guy for our global product development project. So I had a drink with him last night. He started bragging about having sex with all these women in the company, some of whom I know; they wouldn't have anything to do with this guy. I believe he's a compulsive liar, so I'm not comfortable working with him. Is there anyone else in Int'l Marketing with whom I can work?"

Mulhausen loves a good rumor. In fact, he spends about half his time in weekly Bible Study talking about all the sinners in the company. It's worse than a coffee clutch. I've been tracking the gossip all day, and as far as I can tell, this is the course it's taken:

Mulhausen told Fiona the Cunt, who told Fessler's Assistant, who told Fessler, who told Pangbourne, who told Osmund, who told Pengilly, who told Osaka, who told Kornfeld, who told Blair, who told me, though I didn't pass it on because I don't want this rumor tied to me in any way. Kornfeld also must have told Plotkin who told Wheels, who told me, though again, I didn't pass it on. Wheels also told Lucia, who told me. Lucia then told the Bible Study group who said it was old news since they already heard it from Mulhausen. Lucia then told Bertha, who is not anorexic, but Bertha told Lucia that it was old news too because she already heard it from Kornfeld. Frustrated, Lucia went to Creative and told Melanie who's on a completely different rumor track. Melanie had not heard this rumor and did not tell me because she is not talking to me because she still believes I'm suicidal. But she did tell Maricruz, who apparently is a friend.

Maricruz apologized to me today for believing her boss, who she now believes is a compulsive liar.

I told her she could make it up to me by having a drink with me after work. She said she would love to after she finishes a phone call with Asia/Pac at 6:30.

Poor Faudeux. Another victim of the dreaded Rumor Mill.

Well, gotta run. Time to see where that fuck me look takes me...

Reader Comments (5)

Fucking Brilliant! LOL!

August 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

I'm glad I could help jump start that plan! How delicious!

August 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Winter, I always appreciate a good devious suggestion. It helps me snowball a plan into a train wreck. And in this case, I seem to be spotless. Which is always the preferred outcome...

Awwwe, Tech Babe. You're always too nice to my posts. I think you're trying to get into my pants.

August 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

HA! Me? In your pants? (hmmm...not a bad idea...not a bad idea at all...)

August 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

WELL PLAYED. Once a rep is trashed you are done for.

September 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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