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« Surveillance | Main | The Rumor Mill »

Can't Save Her Life, Can't Have Sex with Her

After a week of flashing me the fuck me look at work every day, Maricruz did not fuck me on Friday night. 

Not because she's a tease; it's because she does not like hot peppers. 

Maricruz is from El Salvador. I was under the impression everyone south of the border enjoyed spicy food, but apparently it's mainly the Mexicans.

I took Maricruz to a hole-in-the-wall authentic Mexican restaurant, not because she's Latina, but because it's really dark with secluded little spots where you can make out and not worry about unsightly public displays of affection.

It also prevents people from knowing exactly what they're eating, including extremely hot peppers.

Maricruz nearly went into cardiac arrest.

And it was just getting good. We had both had a couple of margaritas, while knees, thighs and feet were rubbing together comfortably. A perfectly dark and sketchy atmosphere for adulterous behavior...

Then she ate the hot pepper.

I didn't know eyes could get that wide. Not hers, but mine. She was coughing and wheezing and choking so badly, I thought it was heart failure. I thought I would have to perform some of that CPR shit I'd learned years ago in high school. I was trying to remember:

2 breaths and 15 pumps or was it 4 breaths and 10 pumps? Two fingers below the sternum or two fingers above? Or was that for the Heimlich?

We've got the animated version posted of the process on the board in the kitchen. 1 minute of my time is all it would take just to refresh my memory. Did I take a minute? No. Absolutely not.

She finally squeaked out: "I ate a pepper. It's too hot."

Huh? No cardiac arrest?

Her face was red, she was still coughing and choking, but I relaxed in my chair.

"I thought Latinos loved spicy food."

In all her pain and suffering, she managed to shoot me the familiar look I've seen a lot of people give Tefft for her racist remarks. 

Well, you learn something new every day.

Maricruz was done for the night. I did manage to get a kiss at her car. This was, at the very least, a show of good faith on her part despite the tragic events of the evening. She was not offended by my ignorance, but her body was still shaking from the jolt of the hot pepper. For her, it killed the moment and the evening.

Today Blair sent her spy Bendy Wendy to my floor. I call her that because I know several guys at work who have bent her over.

I later got an email from Blair that said, "I know you're trying to hook up with someone on your new floor."

If I react quickly, it's a sign I'm guilty. If I let it go too long, it's another sign I'm guilty. So I'll send a response at the end of day. Something flippant like: "I can't wait to hear this one..."

I wonder if one of her spies saw me out with Maricruz.

Impossible. Too dark at the restaurant. Dark outside when we left.

Well, I'm sure I'll hear all about it tomorrow.

Maricruz was aloof most of the day. But she stopped by a few minutes ago to say hello and flash me that spectacular fuck me look. Round two this week...

Reader Comments (2)

Papusas. Salvadorans eat papusas and like metal music. I used to have Salvadorans for neighbors when I lived in North Hills. Of course, my other neighbor was a famous porn star. Taboo, Jamie Loves Jeff... Anyway, Salvadoran food is rarely spicy. However, I'm sure you will find Maricruz to be sufficiently spicy when you do delve into her papusa.

August 18, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

I can imagine. So far, that's all I have...

August 18, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

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