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« Hot Blogger Calendar | Main | How to Derail Your Psycho Lover »
Monday
Aug252008

Park Sex with Friends and Enemies

The park near the building in which I work is the best park for outdoor sex. 

It's got a great tree for tree sex, nice picnic tables for table sex, and if you bring a blanket, you can have grass sex in the bushes. It's well lit in certain areas, but also very dark and private in other areas. And it's typically very safe because of its location. Typically...

Before taking Maricruz to the park, we had drinks and something to eat. Nothing spicy. Very mild food at a trendy little dive where again lights are dim and small enough that you can keep an inventory of everyone who comes and goes.

Before dinner, I asked Maricruz to list all her food allergies and confirmed there were no potential land mines that would hinder our trip to the park. What I didn't know was that the park itself was laden with its own land mines...

By the time we made it over to the park, we had a very healthy buzz. We made out for a while, but she said she couldn't do this. You know, since she's married and all. I said okay, then dropped my pants and put my cock in her hand. There was a brief pause, then she said okay, I can do this, and we proceeded to have amazing table sex. Married women are required to resist to demonstrate that they are in no way a slut and that they have never done this before.

Afterwards I enjoyed maybe two minutes of basking before Maricruz checked her phone and the afterglow went dim.

"Shit," she said. "I missed a call from my husband at dinner." 
"So?" I said with my last tranquil breath.
"He's really jealous," she calmly said. "If I don't answer, he comes looking for me."

I stiffened and sprang to attention quicker than my boner at the holiday party. I don't take jealous husbands lightly. If I don't answer, he comes looking for me. That's just enough information to know this guy is psycho. She assured me it was fine. How could he find her at a park?

I grabbed her phone to examine it. "This is an iPhone. I guarantee he can find you. Turn it off," I said and handed it back to her.

I quickly put on my clothes and then started dressing her. And then I heard something. Something just over the hill in some bushes.

I told Maricruz to wait there while I checked it out. But as I walked up the hill I felt like I was walking the green mile. How was I going to get it? A blade? A bullet? Maybe just a little of the old baseball bat treatment. I was trying to be macho; I know how Latinas gotta have that shit in their man. But then again, we already did it. What the fuck do I care? We're talking death here. I have no shame.

Just as I was about to turn and go back with my tail between my legs, I heard a familiar laugh. A quiet, secretive version of that familiar laugh, but still distinct enough to know exactly who was up in those bushes.

Gladstone?
He poked his head out of the bushes and looked my way. "Jason?"

Well, it's really no surprise. My friends and I use this park like a Motel 6. What was a surprise was the person who walked out of the bushes with Gladstone.

"Fiona?" I blurted out. "The Cunt?"

I had been calling her Fiona the Cunt for so long I guess I thought it was her name. But she obviously did not appreciate the pet name I had given her. She called me a "fag" in the most trailer park tone she could muster, then put her shirt back on.


grabbed Gladstone and pulled him aside. "She's only fucking you to get information about me," I whispered.
"I know," he said. "I'm only fucking her to fuck her. Don't worry. I won't give away any of your secrets."

At that moment Maricruz walked up.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Oh fuck.

Gladstone was surprised and very impressed. "Maricruz?"
"From Int'l Marketing?" Fiona included.

That's just great. You try to hide your shit from certain people and they end up having grass sex in the bushes right next to you.

"Aren't you married?" Fiona asked.
"Yes," I confirmed. "And her husband is looking for her right now and he has a gun."
I exaggerated, but the timing was just right because right then a bright beam of light hit us from the street which freaked all of us out. We scattered like cockroaches when someone flips the light switch on in a run-down apartment. 

I probably feared most for my life because I was the husband's actual target. I ran down the hill too fast, lost my footing and rolled the rest of the way. And I really fucked up my ankle in the process.

Well, it wasn't the husband. It was the cops. Apparently someone reported lewd conduct in the park. Imagine that.

I hobbled back to my car, but had lost Maricruz back on the hill. A little while later she showed up unscathed. She gave me a big sloppy kiss and ran off to hubby. I was hoping Fiona the Cunt got caught, but today I found out she had eluded the police just like the rest of us.

How she'll use this information against me, I have yet to see. Sooner or later it will come up, I'm sure.

Maricruz enjoyed the night, especially dodging the cops after hot table sex in the park. Now that I know her husband is psychotically jealous, I'll probably start receiving anonymous death threats again in the near future. That'll be nice. I miss those...

Reader Comments (11)

OH-EM-GEE! I know that park! I've used it too but opted for "grass sex." I figured the grass is a lot cleaner than the picnic tables. The grass is manicured daily. It's like a fresh bed of linens all the time. Uhh...where do you work again Jason? (A little too close to home...)

Sorry 'bout your ankle...

August 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Hmmm.. good job partnering with other people in the same city, while trying to be anonymous.

I've always thought you didn't do a good enough job covering your tracks considering the sort of info you're giving. Like how when you first switched to the domain and there was contact info on the whois... But then, I tend to think most of it is fabricated anyways. *shrug*

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

Heh. TB knows your park and I know where she goes with Johnnie. The world is incredibly small. I, however, am laughing my ass off at Gladstone. Only fucking her to fuck her. Priceless. Sorry about the ankle. You can't have looked anymore graceful than I did slipping on an Elle Decor magazine.

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Oh Fishy5, have a little more faith. I obviously take artistic license, but a lot less than you think. I work at the most ludicrous place on Earth. The people are all insane and I get away with shit that should have gotten me fired years ago. One little blog isn't going to hurt me. So yes, I'm a little light in the anonymity department. It's not the witness protection program...

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Tech Babe: Bare grass? Don't you get itchy?

Winter: Sorry about your ankle too. People are calling me hop-a-long. But I think women like an injured man. May turn out okay.

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I'm sure tech babe is itchy for other reasons, probably because she's just as big of a whore as you are.

I don't know why any woman likes you, you're an asshole. You totally have no respect for women. You apprarently don't give a fuck about anything and your probably going to be some sad, lonely old man because you have a cold, dried up excuse for a heart.

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X hater

JasonXhater: You must be fat.

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJasonXhater-HATER

sounds more like a Jason ex. Fishy5, you were right! They found me!!

August 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Trust me...I'm not fat. I'm sure you would have no problem banging me and you'd love every minute of it. I just wanted you to know that you are a big, fucking prick !

August 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X Hater

Thanks, but I already know I'm a big fucking prick. So... I'd love every minute banging you? Can you send photos? I think you have a thing for big fucking pricks.

Still not convinced I haven't already banged you. You sound a little too bitter and angry for just a reader...

August 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Jason...gotta' be an "ex" of yours. I agree, sounds way too bitter.

Goddamnit...I can't seem to shake this itch!!!!

August 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

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