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« Ceiling Tiles | Main | Jason Lives! »
Wednesday
Aug062008

Working Remotely

Working remotely for me is like taking vacation. 

I will only go on vacation if I don't have to go anywhere. So whether I'm working remotely or on vacation, I am sitting at home doing nothing.

My wife decided to take a week off and visit her parents in Florida, which is why I decided to take a week off and stay at home. She asked me to come along, but I said I could not take a week off. Since working remotely and taking a week off are the same thing for me, I was somehow actually telling the truth for once. A twisted, fucked up truth--but the truth nevertheless.

Blair decided to give her husband a plane ticket for his birthday to go home and visit his parents for that same week. Blair had already worked it out with his boss beforehand, controlling bitch that she is.

So Blair worked remotely for a week also. From my place.

I know you'll all be very surprised by this, but Blair and I got along really well for an entire week, just the two of us. 

How is this possible you ask?

Naturally, there is an extremely dysfunctional reason for this.

Blair is obsessed with making me want to leave my wife for her. She does not want me to actually leave my wife for her because she would not leave her husband for me. She just wants me to want to leave my wife for her. 

Blair's father left her mother for another woman when she was a kid and she does not understand how I cannot want to leave my wife for her. How can she not be worth it?

So during this week Blair was the kindest, sweetest, sexiest woman alive. She intended to show me that this was a taste of what I would get if we were together. However, I knew that this was only a performance and what I would really get is the real Blair, a raving lunatic. Sexy, but a raving lunatic.

On the last day of our flawless week she asked me if I would leave my wife for her. I said no.

We haven't spoken since.

I'll give her until Monday.

Reader Comments (7)

Why didn't you just say yes? Now she's going to be pissed.

Although I guess with your relationship, this'll be a chance to go check out the rest of the pool. A week was probably enough Blair, right?

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDigitalSocrates

Ha ha! I love it! I love working remotely too. 2 weeks ago I took off a Friday and Monday because I was going to San Diego on Saturday for a blogger event. Needed Friday to run errands, Monday to recover. Of course my boss called me Friday morning to do something the others in my department can't handle. So I sat at my desk, in my panties, and did the work. I swear, working in your underwear from home is so much faster than sitting at your office desk in wool suit pants is.

Can't wait to hear when Blair finally decides to cave in.

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Or how about a conference call with Cap Gemini in the nude. That just cracks me up for some reason....

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

sitting on a conf call now in boy shorts and a wife beater, sipping my freshly brewed coffee, inserting "sures" and "absolutelys" every so often and reading about your week with Blair. Working remote is the best! Huge fan. Uh oh, they're talking bout me. Gotta run but what a master schemer you are Jason!

---------------------------------------------
Sent from my iPhone.

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

I think I'd rather be at work wearing my tight skirts and strategically buttoned shirts so cleavage is visible. How else can you get hot IT managers to notice you ?

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter=)

And that's where I prefer you too.

August 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

must like the sex with her...

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDevilbluedress

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