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« Tequila and Lucia | Main | Breaking Up Forever »
Wednesday
Sep102008

Sympathy Sex

I've found that having my arm in a sling gets me a lot of sympathy sex. 

Even women I haven't hooked up with in a while are stopping by just to give me that sympathetic look and rub my thigh a little. Next think I know, we're playing ring toss in the parking garage. It's not easy to maneuver with one arm, but it's definitely doable.

Brandi stopped by on Monday. Melanie on Tuesday. These are the two women who have maintained a healthy distance for months because they thought I had become suicidal. And since they believed I was suicidal, they somehow believed I would find a way to commit suicide while having sex with them. Apparently they have no interest in fucking a dead man.

Zenda the Persian also stopped by today. We started having an affair because I thought she would not have an affair with me because I believed she was having an affair with her boss Rusbridge. I made a bet with Gladstone that I would not be able to sleep with her because she would not double fuck at work otherwise she would be considered the office slut. I lost that bet when she fucked me senseless. Turns out she was not having an affair with Rusbridge, so she was free to fuck me without fear of being dubbed the office slut.

Oddly enough, she quickly stopped having sex with me so that she could have sex with her boss Rusbridge who found out there was a rumor that he was having sex with his employee. He pulled her into his office to assure her that he did not start that rumor and that the idea was completely ridiculous anyway. She was offended that he thought the idea was ridiculous, so he made it up to her by fucking her.

She then told me that she could no longer have sex with me because she was now having sex with her boss and could not double fuck at work. I told her I understood and then I tried to get my money back from Gladstone. He said that Zenda the Persian's affair with her boss was ex post facto and therefore the loss was nonrefundable.

Zenda the Persian had sympathy sex with me in my office today. So she's now doublefucking at work which makes her the office slut.

I also saw Blair today in the hallway. She gave me neither the fuck me look nor the fuck you look. It was a look I'd never seen before. It was just sort of a blank stare. But she was mainly looking at my arm in a sling. We didn't speak at all. She just looked at me and my sling in that weird way.

Not to worry. I heard she's hooking up with Szymanski on Friday for drinks. Perfect. That ends it for good. I'm hooking up with Athena the Lesbian on Friday too. If all goes well, we'll run into each other and that will seal the deal forever.

Reader Comments (5)

In response to your last comment on "Breaking up Forever," NO, this proves you can't abstain=P

September 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

Yeah. Uh-oh...

September 13, 2008 | Registered CommenterJason X

Heh. I knew you'd turn getting hurt into an advantage somehow.

September 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWinter

Yeah, I was really surprised though by the reaction. Apparently injuries are a big turn on for women. Uh, yeah. Some real surprises...

September 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Where the hell do you work?????

October 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDevilbluedress

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