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New Year's Resolutions

I thought I'd put together a quick list of New Year's Resolutions for 2009. This is not a simple wish list; I will do my very best to achieve each and every one of these goals:

  1. Revive some old bad habits
  2. Put career number one by doing less and taking credit for more
  3. Drink on the job
  4. Exorcise the demons from conference room 3402
  5. Convince at least one vegetarian to eat meat. 
  6. Use the word "gash" more
  7. Be more creative with duct tape 
  8. Go to the gym more often--until I hit it with the MILF
  9. Volunteer more for charitable acts that might somehow result in getting me laid.
  10. Pay even less attention to global warming; flesh eating zombies will kill us all long before the weather. 
  11. Find ways to give back to the community in the form of sexual deviance. 
  12. Train six cats to take down Mulhausen

Well, there you have it. If all goes according to plan, 2009 is going to be a great year. Let me know if you have any other suggestions. 

Reader Comments (9)

Awesome resolutions! I can help you get those trained cats being that I am a vet tech and all, lol.

January 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabethOwen

Perfect! I've wanted to train cats to be attack cats for a long time. By my estimation it would take at least 6 trained cats to bring a man down.

January 1, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Those are great solutions.

I beat you on the 'drink on the job' being that I work most of the time from home and rarely have to go to the office (which is only 4 blocks away.)

Also already completed...#9 at the Relay for Life this past summer. The dude was hot!
Maybe I should strive for the STL Ronald McDonald golf tournament this year myself? I know it was a joke, but I was a pretty bad girl this year. *actually has the audacity to blush*

I think those resolutions are perfect. I wish you luck on trying, especially with the cats.

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNile

I enthusiastically applaud lucky #7... you can be a contributor to my book "The Deviant Ways of Implementing Duct Tape into your Life"

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Nile: I think being a bad girl is a great resolution. You were a bad girl last year and you still got presents from Santa, didn't you?

Far: #7 was inspired by your book. It made me realize I need to be more creative with duct tape. Please, show me the way...

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Is it weird that I'm most excited for number 5?

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex V.

Definitely with you on #10. And if I do happen to buy a plush polar bear, it's b/c it's cute and not b/c I'm contributing to some global warming prevention fund.

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

Alex V., not at all; you must have strong corrupter sensibilities.

Tech Babe: Weird how people think plush polar bears will save the world from Man-Bear-Pig.

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Man-Bear-Pig....Hahahahahahaha!!!!!! Loved that episode!

January 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech-Babe

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