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Inauguration Day

Today marks a revolutionary day in American history: Barack Obama is the first African American to be inaugurated as President of the United States of America.

My first thought on this historic morning was: how can I somehow use this monumental inauguration to get laid?

I had no idea how I was going to pull this off. But somehow I always find myself divinely inspired during moments of sheer coincidence.  

I walked into the lunch room in the afternoon to get a cup of coffee. Highlights from today's inauguration were running on the television and who did I happen to run into, but Melanie the Korean Sr. Web Designer. 

One thing to keep in mind about the User Pool is that there is a limited supply of resources. New members are not always readily available so there becomes a need to recycle old users, which can sometimes be just as invigorating as new members. 

Melanie is an old member the User Pool. She stopped seeing me when she believed I was suicidal. She did not want to have sex with me for fear I would kill myself afterwards. 

So standing there in the lunchroom with Obama in the background, inspiration struck.

I immediately started talking about how inspirational this historic day was and how for the first time in a long time I finally felt happy. Happy to be alive and happy to go right on living because Obama was going to change everything.

And I saw that look in her eye. That old familiar look.

Because suddenly I was safe again. Safe to fuck without fear of suicide.

Melanie typically likes the softer, artsy, bohemian type guys. She's an artist. But I was the first guy who pounded the living daylights out of her. 

So the prospect of getting nailed again, hard with relentless conviction, and certainly without the threat of suicide, was a prospect she was immediately willing to explore.  

So I then started reminiscing. It quickly worked its way to, Remember when we used to sneak into the Comm closet and go at it like animals, right in the middle of the day?

I still had the key to the old Comm closet, and I do solemnly swear, I pounded the living daylights out of Melanie again on Inauguration day.

I see great things happing for this country, and mainly for me, over the next four years.

Reader Comments (7)

You could also base your suicidal tendencies on the volatility of the stock market. That way, you always have an "out"....or in your case, an "in"...

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

A fucking Comm closet. Ahh...the good ol' days.

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Mr. X, Obama would be...proud? lol

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

A true opportunist. Bravo kind sir.

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Far: Suicide worked for and against me when it came to getting laid. I'm staying away from ledges these days.

Tech Babe: Come get your good old days again.

Shoe: I bet he would be.

Nnamdi: Thanks. When opportunity presents itself...

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

On a somewhat similar note, and on the other end of the election/inaugural spectrum, a close freind of mine and I engaged in an alection day romp. They were unable to vote this time, so I told them to consider my vote "our" vote. I had no idea this would be such a turn on for them. First the texts became fast and furious, then not fast enough. I broke down and called and within moments my coat was on and I left work. "Taking my mom to the polling place" was the reason... a good patriotic reason I hasten to add. :-)

I don't know if the happy times we spent "voting" helped our man get into office in some cosmic sense, but we were very happy with the turnout that day. An exit poll found us BOTH very happy and positive for the future.

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnn O. Nimitee

You're insane, Jason. Even without tequila.

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterdaNanner

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