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« Jason's Spread Sheet | Main | Inauguration Day »
Wednesday
Jan212009

Too Horny Too Early

Blair got too horny too early this morning.

For whatever reason, Blair was really horny this morning, which is why she got really angry with me. 

Blair's thought process is not for beginners; it requires a seasoned professional. 

If I'm going to see Blair after work and she gets too horny too early, it gives her too much time to imagine all the dirty things she wants to do to me. This is bad because the more she thinks about doing dirty things to me, the more she realizes there might be other women who also want to do dirty things to me. 

The thought of other women thinking about doing dirty things to me makes her jealous and angry at me. She then accuses me of having sex with everyone, even though she doesn't really believe I'm having sex with anyone.

And although I am having sex with everyone, she has no reason to believe that I am. She only gets jealous because of the things she makes up in her head. But just to be safe, she accuses me of having sex with everyone so that I will have sex with no one. 

For some reason, she thinks that if I think she thinks I'm having sex with everyone, I will be too scared to have sex with anyone because she already suspects I'm having sex with everyone. 

She thinks I'm a cautious individual. 

After she accuses me of having sex with everyone, she sends out her spies.

Holly the Licensing Coordinator is one of her faithful minions who has no reason to come to my floor, but frequently pretends to be looking for someone on my floor while she spies on me for Blair.

Understanding the process well, I knew I was going to be watched all day until work was over, so I made sure to have my assistant Teri keep the immediate area around my office free and clear of women between the ages of 18 and 45. 

Maricruz works on my floor, so I instructed Teri to keep her the furthest from me. The whole bi-curious thing didn't work out between Maricruz and Blair, as far as I know, and both women are back to being competitive and adversarial. 

Holly the Licensing Coordinator was only the first wave. Blair also made a couple of appearances just to see how everything looked for herself. She was constantly texting me, IMing me, calling me, and generally harassing me throughout the entire day. 

This is what happens when Blair gets too horny too early. 

I was successful in keeping other women at bay today. Now Blair and I can go get a drink and some food, then head over to the park for some tree sex

Blair being horny and angry all day tends to work in my favor because by the time we do have sex...  She gets real freaky.

Reader Comments (16)

This made me laugh long and hard for reasons I'm not drunk enough to cop to right now. Let's just say I get the psychology and leave it at that. In the meantime, you have fun reaping the rewards.

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsfitznham

I laughed long and hard as well. Blair sounds just like somebody's girlfriend!
NOT mine, of course

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermckaywiii

...something something long and hard something something...

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

I'm glad someone gets the psychology of it. Wow. Not sure I'd have the mental fortitude to cope and outlast the zany to finally get the reward.

At the very least, I'd be changing the Blair pseudonym to something I felt more appropriate...like Carrie ;)

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Msfitznham: Blair is not as crazy as people think; or maybe it's that people don't realize a lot of women are just as crazy as Blair. (I'm not calling you crazy though.... Heh heh).

Mckaywiii: Crazy usually means great sex. Hopefully you're at least getting it good.

Far: You have a one track mind. I like that feature in a woman.

Shoe: Carrie is good, but do you remember the movie The Exorcist?

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Shoe <----- finally gets it.

as in Linda...

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

It must be interesting dealing with her and her ADHD thought processes... I ought to go find myself a psycho to deal with to pass the pass here at school.

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterG

pass the time*** ... me and my horrific typos...

January 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterG

So, have you done some thorough studies proving that crazy = wild sex? If not, you should get on it immediately.

January 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSabina

Shoe: Correctamundo.

G: School is a perfect time to fuck around with psychos. Prepares you for the real world.

Sabina: Not that normal women can't have wild sex; just that psychos always have wild sex. That's been my experience. And I've been with a lot of psychos.

January 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

I always end up bruised or scratched badly when I have sex with the crazy ones, but I guess it comes with the territory.

January 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

wow this blog makes me horny!! hey Jason X can you make time for me on your spread sheet??

September 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterumet

Umet, I'm sure I can slot you in somewhere...

September 14, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

The thing is all women are crazy. It's an absolute. All that estrogen and hormones make us unpredictable and truly insane at different times. What's different is how each woman is whether or not they are cognitive of the fact that they are completely insane. I've either evolved or devolved (not sure which) into what I am today and am fully aware of the fact that I will always be insane so I might as well enjoy myself. I would assume that crazy good sex is on an upside down bell curve where either the woman is not aware at all that they are insane or they are fully aware. This is just a theory anyways. There are some woman who I find very attractive but would never have anything to do with because women are fucking insane. No idea how you do it. Have you figured out how to track their menstrual cycles?

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

M: Somehow, because I'm fucking them all at the same time and they all work together, their cycles all align. Damnedest thing...

September 16, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

That is going to wreck havoc on the plumbing system if this keeps going.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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