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Thursday
Jan082009

Minoo's "You Fucked Me" Look

Minoo the HR Coordinator used to give me the Fuck me look before the Holiday party. Now she gives me the You fucked me look.  

The problem is she won't confirm if actually did or didn't fuck her at the holiday party. Unfortunately, I blacked out at some point and woke up in the gutter (a fake gutter on a sound stage, but a gutter no less). 

The You fucked me look usually carries with it several advantages. Because along with that look, you get these other looks:

  • You fucked me and you'll fuck me again
  • You fucked me and now all I can think about is fucking you again
  • Fuck me now
  • Fuck me later
  • Fuck me in a tree
  • Fuck me fuck me fuck me

Once you've broken the seal, there's really no need for the woman to be coy anymore. The bottle is open, don't let the contents go to waste. After all, wait too long, it goes flat; loses its fizz. 

But Minoo the HR coordinator will not confirm or deny and she only gives me the You fucked me look. None of the other beneficial looks. 

So I asked her to have a drink with me at a local bar after work. She said that would be completely inappropriate. She invited me over to her apartment instead. 

HR is made up of a very strange group of people. And when they're hot like Minoo, sometimes getting them to fuck you requires a bizarre path to the main event. They're just as horny as everyone else, but they have ethics about fucking.

As far as I can tell, here are the rules:

  1. Never fuck anyone who works at the same company 
  2. Only fuck someone who works at the same company if you feel confident nobody will ever find out you fucked someone who works at the same company
  3. Never be seen in public places after hours with anyone who works at the same company and is also someone you intend to fuck
  4. Be rude to people you intend to fuck
  5. Be sweet to people you would never fuck
  6. Be indifferent to people you might fuck
  7. Once you've decided to fuck someone who works at the same company, pretend you don't know them; even better, pretend you don't receive their emails, can't hear their voice, or even see their face.

Yeah, that's what makes fucking an HR person a little tricky. Well, Friday night I'll be going to Minoo's apartment. This should be interesting. 

Reader Comments (9)

A tree...now, there's a new one!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternadzb21

P.S. Reminds me somewhat of Green Eggs and Ham...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternadzb21

Darn, I was hoping this would be more along the lines of ... oh never mind, that wouldn't have made good reading.

But let's just say that none of the options you listed would fit on my "you fucked me" look list. That look is reserved for people who have pissed me off.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterdaNanner

Nadzb21: Not for me. See my
Tree Sex
post.

DaNanner: Oh, you mean the "You fucked me over" look. Well, maybe I'll write that one up at some point. The "You fucked me" look is a much more inviting look.

January 8, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

P.S. I may use that Green Eggs and Ham idea....

January 8, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Gee,

Where were these rules when I was a lass in corporate...LOL!

O the times have changed...shit.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPussy

Pussy, I think they've always been there. Just never published. I like to keep people informed of the less publicized yet widely practiced company policies and procedures.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Reminds of a situation where this hot hot guy who started with my company, whom everyone was dropping hints that he was hot for me, organized a happy hour and failed to invite me. Considering I was probably one of the coolest people there and knowing Legal and Compliance people were invited and I wasn't, was extremely offensive! I crashed it anyway. We fucked 4-days later.

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

That sounds made up. (Heh heh, eh-hem).

January 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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