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« Adverse Friday | Main | Tough Economy »
Tuesday
Oct062009

The Double Team

Fiona the Cunt and Tawny the Temp are double teaming me.

And not in a good way.

Tawny the Temp still wants her money for fucking me even though she didn't disclose there was a cost until after the fact; and she still wants the money even though her pimp, Bonnie Bod, has been exposed and disposed of (again). 

And Fiona the Cunt still wants to prove I killed her sister, Conklin's Slutty Wife, even though I had almost nothing to do with it. 

I'm on the ICATT (Integration Committee of Associated Technology Teams), formally known as ITTSC (I.T. Team Spirit Committee). I actually got them to agree to change the name because its more about team integration than "team spirit," which sounds too juvenile for professionals like ourselves. And because I really like saying ICATT (I see a titty). 

Fiona the Cunt is also on the committee and she brought in Tawny the Temp to be the scribe. 

Given Tefft, Adler from the PMO, Maggie the Drunk, and Dinton are the other members of the committee, Fiona the Cunt and I align more often than not on ideas. Which makes me very uncomfortable. I'm sure it makes her very uncomfortable as well, which is why she brought Tawny the Temp in to be the scribe. Someone who can remind her who the enemy really is.

Tawny the Temp sits next to Fiona the Cunt on the opposite side of the conference table from where I sit and whispers to Fiona the Cunt throughout our ICATT meetings. 

They are planning something. And it ain't team building.

I met with Chelsea the Intern and Kessler to discuss defensive tactics. I would have brought Gladstone into the conversation, but his dick can't be trusted around discussions about Fiona the Cunt. I know how his dick thinks. It starts hearing her name too much, and it starts focusing on the "Cunt" in Fiona and it comes up with other plans.

So we decided that the best defense is a good offense. Basically, I need to strike first. 

Even though Tefft is technically a woman, she prefers to be called "Chairman" of the ICATT over "Chairwoman" or even "Chairperson". This is because she believes in equality and believes everyone should be referred to as a "man."

And as Chairman of the ICATT, Tefft has decided that we, as a committee, should do a little team building together before we involve the entire department. So we're going to have dinner and drinks this Friday night as a first stab at integration.

This also seems like the best time to strike an offensive. Both Fiona the Cunt and Tawny will get sauced, both being extremely white trash in nature, and I will have the outside help of two of the most devious minds I've ever met: Kessler and Chelsea the Intern.

Not sure exactly what we're going to do yet, but personally, I'd like to convince Fiona the Cunt that her dead sister is trying to contact her and wants to finger her real killer. Get her off my back and onto someone else's. 

However, I haven't been able to convince Kessler or Chelsea the Intern. They both think it'll be too hard to pull off. I reminded them both that I created an imaginary boss that everyone believes is real and have kept him "alive" and well for almost two years. 

Anyway, we need to figure something out before Friday.

I'm open to suggestions if you have any...

Reader Comments (6)

Kessler should be an easy sell. I'm sure between the two of you, creative and perverse minds united, should be able to come up with a plan that you can both laugh about later (over boobs and beer) or at Gladstone's wedding to the "Cunt."

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

The best thing I can come up with off the top of my head is to turn those two against each other. Maybe have them fight over Gladstone? Women will always drop alliances when fighting over a man.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

This definitely calls for a threesome. Perhaps you can charge them for YOUR services. After the fact that is. Some "classy" pictures can always come in handy at a later date as well.

October 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSF

Tech Babe: That's the intention, but this needs to be more like "The Sting". In other words, she can't know I did whatever I do to her. Otherwise, she'll come back like the wrath of God at the Apocalypse. I need avert her attack by funneling her fury toward someone else.

M: Not a bad idea, pitting the two against each other. But I need to leave Gladstone out of this. He has a way of fucking up things making me pay for my sins.

SF: A threesome is always good, except when you loath the women. Although, I've never had an angry fuck threesome...

October 7, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

You gotta make it happen. I can't live vicariously through other law students who don't have a life

October 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLynx

Shit. What have I done...

October 10, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

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