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« Thanksgiving '09 | Main | The Problem with Nepotism »
Friday
Nov132009

Meet Your Maker

Kelsey's Angry Fiancé called a meeting with Kornfeld and myself. I assumed this was because he had already figured out that the man who fucked his wife was not the Director of Finance, but in fact, the Manager of Technology. And therefore, the man he wanted to kill was actually me not Kornfeld. 

Blair and Kelsey were also invited to this meeting.

I was beginning to wonder if he took this job just so that he could fillet me in front of these very people in a meeting, like the one I was about to attend. 

I had no strategy going in because I had no idea what to expect. I didn't want any surprises walking into the room, so I got to the meeting first, found my power position at the conference room table, then mentally prepared for the onslaught as I waited.

Of course, the first to arrive was Kelsey's Angry Fiancé. 

He greeted me with a smile and a handshake. 

I told myself: Wait for it... Wait for it...

But it didn't come. 

He made small talk, like any new employee might. Even so, I stared at him apprehensively. He didn't seem to notice, didn't seem to care. He just blabbed on like we were palling it up. 

Then Blair came into the room. She introduced herself to Kelsey's Angry Fiancé, then sat in the chair furthest from me and proceeded to ignore me completely. She wanted to make it very clear to the new guy that she was not sleeping with me by pretending I didn't exist. 

Again, nothing abnormal about the situation.

Then Kornfeld came into the room. I saw Kelsey's Angry Fiancé tense up. He smiled again, but this time it was a very forced, criminal smile. When he took Kornfeld's hand and didn't let go for at least a full minute. This not only made Kornfeld uneasy, but Blair also.

He said: "Glad to finally meet you."

It was obvious that he still thought Kornfeld was the guy who fucked his wife.

The two sat down, then Kelsey walked into the room. She apparently didn't check the invite list because when she saw both her angry fiancé and me in the same room, she gasped.

I was more worried about Blair's reaction. Which, predictably, resulted in Blair giving me the evil eye.

So Kelsey still thought I was Kornfeld while Kelsey's Angry Fiancé knew that I was not. But he also didn't think I was the guy who fucked his wife. He thought Kornfeld fucked his wife while Kelsey also thought it was Kornfeld who fucked her, but that I was Kornfeld. 

Kornfeld knew nothing while Blair suspected everything.

The meeting began, and every time Kornfeld asked a question, Kelsey's Angry Fiancé answered with a seemingly unrelated riddle. For example:

Kornfeld: It's your first week, but where do you see this brand heading? 

Kelsey's Angry Fiancé: The maker makes it but doesn't use it.. The buyer buys it but doesn't need it...
The one who needs it never knows it... What is it?

Everyone just stared at him. Kornfeld looked to me for some sort of assurance that he wasn't hearing things, but my expression conveyed that I didn't find anything abnormal about the question at all. 

Kelsey's Angry Fiancé: A coffin. 

And then he chuckled to himself, but didn't take his eyes off Kornfeld. Kelsey couldn't understand why her angry fiancé was angry at this other guy and not me. Blair stared at Kelsey trying to understand why she was staring at the new guy and not me.

Blair knew something was wrong, knew it had to have something to do with me, but couldn't figure out why nothing was being directed at me. 

The riddles continued. Kornfeld became speechless, Kelsey started to sweat, and Blair started boiling over. And then there was me. I just sat there listening as if this was a normal meeting and a normal discussion.

Blair couldn't take it any longer. She stood up, slammed her hand on the table and said:

"What the fuck is going on?"

The room went dead silent as we all stared at Blair. Finally:

"Just a meet and greet," Kelsey's Angry Fiancé said casually with a smile. 

The meeting concluded, everyone left except me and Blair. She just stared at me. 

"Something wrong?" I asked innocently. 

She nodded her head looking at me with squinted, suspicious eyes. Then she walked out of the room.

Well, a reprieve for today. Let's see how long this lasts. Hopefully at least until Kelsey's Angry Fiancé kills Kornfeld.  

Reader Comments (8)

How can the new guy just organize a meeting like this? That's insane. Any good exec would of blown this meeting off. A guy in branding, a tech manager, the head of finance, another finance person and the head of finance's secretary? Okay, he knows the guy who fucked his fiance is named Jason, but how does he know about Blair?

November 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

Osmund, the Sr VP of Licensing arranged the meeting with Kornfeld, presumably because Kelsey's Angry Fiance convinced her to do so. Kornfeld does anything Osmund says because he's her little lap dog. Kornfeld always brings Blair to meetings because she's the Finance Manager. As with any good exec, he knows none of the details and she knows everything. I was actually there by accident. Kornfeld likes to invite me to meetings like these just in case any technology questions come up. He believes he's running I.T., but again, knows nothing about it. Kelsey is a Licensing coordinator associated with the Brand her angry fiance manages; but I also assume he invited her just so that she could watch and be nervous. He doesn't know there's a "Jason" associated with the guy who fucked his wife. He knows it's the Director of Finance. Kelsey knows me as the Director of Finance. She also knows the Director of Finance is named Kornfeld. Hey, if they haven't figured it out yet, I'm just going to go with it until they do.

November 13, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Impressed. VERY impressed at how well you maintained composure. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, including guilt. I should play poker more.

November 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

I swear you're the luckiest man alive (for now). If you fell off a roof, someone would be setting up a trampoline. If someone shot at you, you'd notice a quarter on the ground and pick it up. If you jumped out of a plane with no parachute, a warm breeze would blow you into a pillow factory.


Hand over the damn rabbits foot, 4 leaf clover, whatever it is! Reveal your secret!

November 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZorro

Now that's a fucking meat and greet...

November 15, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

i don't know who i would be more worried about when the shit hits the fan. blair or the fiance..

November 16, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpeepers

Tech Babe: Guilt? What's that?

Zorro: I was Gandhi in a previous life. Scored some good karma for this life.

Far: Exhilarating, isn't it? You know, as long as I get to live.

Peepers: I agree completely...

November 17, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Unbelievable. These people are idiots.

November 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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