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When It Rains, It Pours Bizarre

I blame the rain.

My world has never been normal, but it's now taken a full-fledged turn for the bizarre.

Fiona the Cunt

My mortal enemy is now sexting me about how she wants to do a threesome with me and Blair. She hates Blair. And Blair hates her. Worse, I'm supposed to hate Fiona the Cunt and she's supposed to hate me.

Granted, I tricked her into believing that I was not responsible for the death of her sister, Conklin's dead slutty wife. And even though I did not kill her, she accidentally died during our failed attempt to murder her. Am I responsible? It's a very grey area in my book. But regardless, even if she knew the facts, somehow I don't think she'd see it my way. 

Now, don't get me wrong. There would be nothing more freaky and wonderful than sex with two psychotics like Blair and Fiona the Cunt. But as bizarre as things are, that will never happen. Blair would never share me with anyone, least of all her own enemy. I wouldn't even attempt to persuade her. 

What worries me is that Fiona the Cunt might take it upon herself to convince Blair. 

Blair believes that nobody at this company knows we're having an affair. The fact is, everyone at this company knows Blair and I are fucking. The only one who doesn't believe it is Blair. Because Blair would never cheat on her husband. Which is why she hates me every time she cheats on her husband with me. 

If Fiona the Cunt indicated that she knows about the affair, Blair would become homicidal. And as you can imagine, that would not be good for anyone, especially for me. 

I think I need Fiona the Cunt to be my enemy again.

Kelsey's Angry Fiancé

Kelsey's Angry Fiancé has decided to become pals with me so that he can talk shit about the man who fucked Kelsey, which of course is me. However, he believes the man who fucked Kelsey is Kornfeld because he believes the man who fucked Kelsey is the Director of Finance. He believes this because I told Kelsey I was the Director of Finance when she got hired so that she'd fuck me

I don't want to be his pal because I don't want to hear about all the horrible things he plans to do to the man who fucked Kelsey because I am that man. 

In addition, Blair cannot find out that Kelsey did not fuck Kornfeld, otherwise she'll believe that Kelsey fucked me. Which she did. Once again, homicidal Blair is a bad thing.


Somehow I need to get Fiona the Cunt and Kelsey's Angry Fiancé to hook up. Kill two birds with one stone. 

I blame the rain. 

Reader Comments (9)

Sounds like a win-win to me

December 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

Where is that picture from?

December 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJ.R. LeMar

Wow. And I thought high school was dramatic and complicated.

December 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPeepers

Matt: There's a win somewhere in there. There always is. But sometimes it only comes right after a lose.

J.R. LeMar: Google'd it. Under "Babe in Rain" or something like that. Not sure what it's from though...

Peepers: This is definitely worse, but with a lot more sex and alcohol. Isn't every job like this?

December 9, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Solution: Somehow I need to get Fiona the Cunt and Kelsey's Angry Fiancé to hook up.</I><P>It's logic like this that keeps me coming back to this blog. Looking forward to the results!

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNFC

How in the world do you have this much fluid to spread around? Are you like the Niagara Falls of cum?
I'll be damned. This is very impressive. If I wasn't a chick, I'd learn from you ;)

December 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCt Kingston

NFC: You mean sound logic like this, right?

CT Kingston: It still works, even if it's just dry heaving.

December 9, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

Well you're in a good place. Anything that goes wrong can be blamed on the rain in L.A.

December 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe


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April 25, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertherapidleechking

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