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« Innocent by Reason of Insanity | Main | "Be My Valentine" »

Imaginary People

As I was standing in the tree today, I decided to have a little fun with Fred the Therapist.

"My boss is imaginary," I said, high up on the limb.

"We sometimes pretend another person isn’t real because we have issues with that person; issues that we don’t want to deal with," Fred said.

"Actually, I’m pretending he’s real because he really doesn’t exist," I said.

This, I could tell, took him off guard. There was a pregnant pause.

"So…" he slowly began. "He’s an imaginary boss you made up and you believe he’s real?"

"No, that would make me insane," I said. "I’m only pretending to believe he’s real. Everyone else actually believes he’s real because everyone else is insane."

Fred was silent for a while. 

I took this opportunity to focus on the window on the second floor. The woman with jet black hair and glasses in the building across the way in the second floor office was having a meeting with a couple of ecclectic men (gay) who were apparently pitching an idea in a very flamboyant way. 

Once the meeting was over, the woman with jet black hair and glasses got on the phone, glanced out the window and caught sight of me. She smiled. 

I suppose she's seen various people standing in this tree and I suppose she believes they're all insane. I did my best to not appear insane, but it's very difficult not appearing insane when you're standing in a tree. 

I acted as if this was not my choice and that the only reason I was standing in this tree was because someone insane had put me there. 

I'm not sure if she bought it or not.

"Why does everyone else believe your boss is real if he's imaginary?" Fred asked.

"Because they're insane," I said.

"But you made him up," Fred said.

"Only because I know he's imaginary," I said.

"But why do you need to make up an imaginary boss?"

"So that everyone will believe he's real," I said.

Fred was stumped again. And I was again able to focus on the woman with jet black hair and glasses. 

The woman with jet black hair smiled at me as though she did not believe that I was insane for being up in a tree, even though I knew she must know that I'm insane for being up in a tree. 

Both Fred the Therapist and the woman with jet black hair and glasses must be thinking I'm insane. The fact of the matter is, everyone else is insane and I'm the only sane person I can think of. 

And as insane as this sounds, somehow, this is going to get me laid.


Reader Comments (8)

You are definitely most certifiably SANE Mr. X!! Where's this tree? Maybe I can sit on a limb opposite of you and find a tall drink in the window across the way=P

February 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

Insanity is mysterious and alluring, if it's non threatening. It'll work for you as long as you don't start banging your head against walls or flinging poo.

But then again, if the woman in the window is attracted to a guy standing in a tree known for hosting people with problems, then she's probably insane.

February 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

Tech Babe: Secret location. But maybe I can take you there sometime anyway. It would make a good tree for sex.

Yes, I'm dying to explore the insanity of the woman with jet black hair and glasses. Let's hope she's not the poo flinging insane type.

February 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

If she's not already crazy Jason X will make her crazy, so does it really even matter if she's insane?

February 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternadzb21

Oh you ARE sane, no doubt. After all, what's MORE sane than a fake boss? Wish mine was...

Nevertheless, I get the feeling this lady is into loose cannons (takes one to know one, and all)
So keep playing it, and no doubt she will gravitate within your grasp!

February 18, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermsfitznham

Nadzb21 and Msfitznham: both good points. We'll see if it works out for me. I'm a little light on the User front these days...

February 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Wow, this is true. She obviously knows the functionality of the tree. She knows its full of the mentally unstable and yet she still throws you the smiles. Which means she's quite open minded. Which means...there's a whole new level of risky, crazy and sexually deviant you need to explore that you can't do with the usual User Pool.

February 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNnamdi

Nnamdi: She's going down. Literally.

February 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

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