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« Project User Pool Mayhem | Main | Maricruz is Insane »
Friday
Mar202009

I Am Jason's Smirking Revenge

Since Human Resources believes I am insane, I have decided my mental illness should manifest itself in the form of a split personality. 

And since I love Palahniuk's Fight Club, who better to be my other half than Tyler Durden. This is how I can cause mayhem at work.

I know this because Tyler knows this.

First step:

In order to overcome the insomnia I don't actually have, I will start attending all the Company sponsored club meetings:

  • The Working Women Association
  • African Americans in the Workplace
  • Latino Association
  • Indian Association
  • Company Wellness Program
  • Bible Study (not company sponsored, but company sanctioned)

Second step:

Start a Fight Club.

Two problems I immediately face with this task:

  1. One thing about people in technology: they are not fighters. Nor will they become fighters. Maharajapuram, Wiener from Fucking Austria, Aho and Mai Ding are not getting in the ring. They will never be carved out of wood.
  2. Unlike Tyler Durden, I'm happy to die without a few scars.

So I decided to make it virtual. The Test Lab is exclusive. But I'm going to open it up to new recruits. One thing about people in technology: they do play video games.

Rules of Test Lab:

  1. You do not talk about Test Lab.
  2. You do not talk about Test Lab.

That's about all we need.

Third step:

Once I get people playing Half Life in the Test Lab and within my control, I will initiate Project Mayhem and start giving out homework assignments. That's where the real fun begins.

Fourth step:

I need a Marla Singer.

I never really had much interest in Lucretia, a coordinator in Apparel, because she's so fucking Goth, but this particular situation requires her Gothic representation. Under all that black, she actually is a cute girl. And she has nice tits. 

I never thought I could relate to her, but Tyler will do just fine. So the hunt is on.

Well, I think that pretty much covers it for now. This will entertain me plenty. This will entertain others some. And this will piss off many.

I am Jason's smirking revenge.

..

Reader Comments (11)

Alter egos are useful. Don't get confused though.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdananner

I am Jason's insane mind...

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Burn the muthuh down! :)

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPeg

Dammit Jason! I've got The Working Women Association on Monday nights, African American Association on Wednesdays, Latino Association, aka Tequila Thursday, on Thursdays, and the Indian Association every night!

You can have Company Wellness Program and Bible Study. Stay outta' my groups! Or we can start a new.

My name is Marla.

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTech Babe

I would fight for a good cause.

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFishy5

daNanner: You're right. I know this because daNanner knows this.

Far: With a gun in your mouth, you only speak in vowels.

Peg: Lighting a match now....

Tech Babe: I bet you haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

Fishy5: All my causes are good (for me).

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

First, never gauge your insanity level with the input of HR. They are evil and will try to tell you whatever will fit their scheme for dominance (not that I am against world dominance or domination--long as it fits my cause...and no, I do not work in HR!). That don’t sound right do it? Never mind, let’s move on…

Second, the extent to which you are will to go to play well with others. A gold star has been noted in your permanent record.

No No NO….not HR. *evil grin* ~~Dee

March 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDee

Dee: I get the feeling you're in HR... Yes, you'll see by other posts in my blog about HR that I'm absolutely positive they're all insane. Except maybe you, if you were actually from HR. Because if you know you're insane, you really can't be insane. Most of HR doesn't think they're insane, which positively makes them insane.

March 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

Read up on Project Mayhem and am now caught up on your shenanigans...As Black Sabbath's Megalomania still plays in the background I write this with my own little smirk. You are something else (not insane, clearly).

March 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercaptialn

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. Might as well make the most of it. You better be in the process making some sort of 7 part screen play of your life or at least pitch it to HBO. That way when the day comes when you retire you can cash in immediately on this.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

M: Yes, that's the plan. It's cash or Walmart for me.

September 17, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

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