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« Bite Me | Main | Project User Pool Mayhem »
Saturday
Mar282009

Lucretia

The first thing I noticed about the women who attend the meeting for The Working Women Association was that they are women who believe work is more important than the way they look at work.

The women I typically associate with at work are women who believe the way they look at work is more important than work itself. 

The first thing the women who attend the meeting for The Working Women Association noticed about me was that I am not a woman. 

I am attending these organized company sponsored meetings to achieve two things:

  1. Demonstrate I am as mentally unstable as HR believes I am
  2. Recruit new members into The User Pool

I will not be recruiting any new members into The User Pool from Women in the Workplace.

This is the week I started attending company sponsored meetings.

The first thing I noticed about the meeting for African Americans in the Workplace was that there are very few African Americans in the workplace at my company.

The four in attendance were all men.

Until Lucretia walked into the room. 

Great. Lucretia has a thing for the black man. This is not going to be as easy as I thought. She was going to be my Marla Singer. Now it looks as though she'll be someone's white ho. 

The first thing I noticed about the meeting for the Latino Association was that Lucretia was there as well and she is not Latina.

I was starting to see a trend. The fucking spring break tourist. Fucking every ethnicity on the beach. She was ruining everything. How was I supposed to look mentally unstable if other people were doing the same thing?

The more people who do something insane, the less insane that thing becomes.

The first thing I noticed about the meeting for the Indian Association was that Lucretia was also there and she is not Indian. She is not African American. She is not Latina. I had to put a stop to this. 

During a break I pulled her aside:

"I'm on to you," I said. "You're a faker." 

"What?" she said.

"I saw you at African Americans in the Workplace, the Latino Association, and now here, at the Indian Association. And you're not Indian."

"Neither are you." 

"But I'm mentally unstable," I said. "If you keep attending, I won't look so mentally unstable, so you need to quit."

"Did you practice this?" She asked.

"Practice what?"

"Telling me off."

"No," I said. "I don't practice anything, even presentations to the executives. I wing everything."

"Wow," she said. "Then I'm impressed."

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"Actually, I'm following you."

"Huh?"

"I heard you were interested in me. You never were before, and I know you try to fuck just about everything here at the company. Frankly, I was never interested in you either because you have that "suit" look to you. I know the type of girl you fuck. And it ain't me."

"Something change?"

"Yeah," She said. "When I found out you were insane, I felt a tickle in my vagina. Something about a nut job that gets me every time."

Okay, I was wrong. This was going to be easier than I thought. 

We fucked at her place that night. It was stranger than fucking Hello Kitty Minoo the HR Coordinator. In the middle of very intense sex, she yelled out:

"Fuck me like I'm in grade school!" 

Not the exact quote I remember from Marla Singer in Fight Club. I'm not sure which was worse. 

Regardless, I have my Marla Singer

..

Reader Comments (6)

congrats

March 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSapienza

Is she like the cut on the roof of your mouth that would heal if you'd only stop tonguing it?

March 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSabina

Curious people want to know: what deems a woman worthy for being inducted into The User Pool? I see a few themes throughout your posts: insanity, high heels, low cut blouses...

Are you using something like The Proust Questionnaire or better yet, The Jason X Questionnaire when you attend the company sponsored programs where you tick off certain attributes for worthy applicants?

Now that would be an interesting questionnaire I bet...

March 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Sapienza: Thanks. I too feel it's an accomplishment to fuck someone who resembles a character played by a star in a movie.

Sabina: That more describes Blair. She's definitely the cut on the roof of my mouth.

Far: It would be an interesting questionnaire, but it's actually not so complicated with initial selection. It's any women I'm attracted to physically who responds to my subtle advances with a fuck me look, fuck me giggle, or a fuck me anything. I can't imagine caring about much else. The questionnaire might come in handy after sex to determine whether or not the woman is in the temp pool or the card carrying pool.

March 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

The line from the movie that Marla says is "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." Is she on to your Fight Club plan?

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

M: Nah, never quite caught on.

September 18, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

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