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« Therapy is Working | Main | Catch-22 »

The Exorcism of Jason X

Although everyone else believes I'm insane, Lucia does not. Lucia believes I'm possessed by the devil. 

When Lucia found out I was fucking around with other women, she got pissed off at me because that meant I was cheating on my wife. Lucia is very religious and believes adultery is an unforgivable sin. Which is why she only allows me to sodomize her

Even though religion does not encourage sodomy, it is not adultery according to Lucia. So while she agrees to have me sodomize her, she will never commit adultery with me.  

However, the fact that I committed adultery with other women angered her; she was unable to comprehend how I could commit such a terrible sin. 

Once everyone thought I was insane, it finally made sense to Lucia. I wasn't really insane; I was obviously possessed by a devil. And I wasn't really committing adultery; it was the devil inside me that was committing adultery. 

Damn. Why didn't I think of that?

So Lucia has decided the only way to get rid of this devil inside me is to perform an exorcism.

She offered to find me an exorcist, but I said I'd be more comfortable if she performed the exorcism herself. How hard could it be? Read a few scriptures, sprinkle some holy water on me and dodge puke green projectile vomiting.   

She's a little nervous since she's never performed an exorcism before. I told her I had seen The Exorcist about 40 times, so I had a pretty good idea what was needed:

  • Restraints for wrists and ankles
  • Some sort of gag
  • Holy water
  • A Bible
  • Pea soup
  • A crucifix (possibly one that vibrates)
  • Hot fudge, caramel, and KY (for the after-celebration)

I told her that she could get most if not all these items at Hustler in Hollywood.  

We're planning for the exorcism sometime this week. Maybe Friday. And if all goes according to plan, it'll turn into a very kinky sexorcism (coined by @solecism1981). I don't think the devil in me is going anywhere. 


Reader Comments (12)

i only WISH to view this in person. i hope you give a full on report. i think the way you describe it sounds hot!


March 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdarkgracie

Too bad you aren't performing the sexorcism on Friday the 13th. That just seems so Jason X'ish...

I'll say two Hail Jasons and six Our TheUserPools for you...

March 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFar

Mate I must admit this is bloody brilliant. Cheers to you and I hope you fuck the bird silly

March 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaxwell Gringsworth

Jason, you're a fucking Genius, maybe you should talk to McKinny about this idea, I'm sure he could break into a whole new porn market with it.

March 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRageATT

I'm with Far. Save it for next Friday. Goes well with the whole "Jason X" theme too ;-)

March 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdananner

This almost ruined my mental picture of Lucia. Now every time you mention her, I'ma picture Bobby Boucher's mom (Kathy Bates) talking bout, "It's the DE-BIL!" lol

March 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShoe

darkgracie: You think that sounds hot? You're a fun gal, aren't you?

Far and daNanner: I anticipate all kinds of things going wrong on the next Friday the 13th. This would not be a good time for an exorcism. (I like the hail Jasons)

Max and RageATT: Thanks guys. I do what I can.

Shoe: Sorry about that. This would be more like a hot filipina saying "It's the DE-BIL!"

March 4, 2009 | Registered CommenterJason X

I don't know why men would still want to look for other women when they have all the liberty and freedom to enjoy his wife in his own home. I agree, you have been possessed. On Friday the 13th, I will be brazing myself for a possible aftershock on Saturday 14th.

March 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpaintbrush

Well Paintbrush, if a wife is frigid, nagging, and possessed with some sort of devil herself, then spending any time at home may be more like doing time at a maximum security facility than this "liberty and freedom" you speak of. I don't know. Just a guess.

March 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

So, think Lucia was into saddlebacking as a teenager?

March 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSabina

Sabina: Yes. She was a virgin until she was 22. Technically.

March 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJason X

This sodomy logic kills me. Catholics are freaks.

September 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterM

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